Much later, some has changed much has not !

[DavidA]

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Above is the link for my older posts about a year ago.

Details. I'm now 51, ( not getting any younger ). The kids got tired of living with Mom and boy friend and moved back home with me full time. That's a whole story all by itself. When that happened, big fight with BF and daughter, the whole bunch of them got into a big fight and the kids came home, for good. XW told the kids at that point she was going to get away from BF only to go on vacation with him and get married a few weeks later ! Need I say more about her state of mind and level of MLC.

I did lay some ground rules when this happened and tried to distance myself from her physically and emotionally. I even tried to get interested in dating and moving on with my life to no avail. There were and are still to many deep feelings in my heart for her and I believe she is mentally ill.

She constantly floats in and out of contact and accepts my many kindnesses and gifts. Complains about her new husband and how abusive he is and how unhappy she is in her situation. Ambivolence is the word my IC used to describe her. She constantly complains about minimal contact with the kids and how the family dissaproves of her new marriage. By the way both of our families. I still have very good relationships with all her family as well as my own. Some of them think I am crazy for being as kind to her as I have been and think I should blow her off and forget her. Obviously these folks have never suffered any major relationship losses.... She has blown off all her previous close personal relationships and even those people have come to me and reassured me that they know it's her that has gone off the deep end.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't fully commit myself to a new relationship as long as I have feelings for my X. So in the mean time I continue to torture myself and I guess her too by DB'ing most of the time. A small example:

I put up all the xmas decorations before Thanksgiving so they would be ready to light on Thanksgiving night ( another hot button with her ) and on the back porch I had a nice candle burning one night she visited called Missletoe. Smells like a fresh cut xmas tree. Well, every time she came by in the next week or two she went nuts over this candle. So, while I was out Xmas shopping I picked one up, put it in a box with a nice red xmas ribbon on it and left it with her mail and stuff on the porch for her to pick up. My 17 yo D had a xmas concert which we were both going to and she picked up her stuff on the way to the concert. I was already gone when she came. When she got to the concert I asked her if she had picked up her stuff and she simply said yes without any mention of the candle. At intermission time she turned to me and said, "Thank you very much for the candle but you shouldn't have because I don't deserve it." I simply pointed at my heart and said it's still here, take it or leave it..... She then said I will take it home and think of you every time I light it and "he" doesn't have to know where it came from. Now tell me, does this sound like the thoughts and words of a sane person who dumped her husband and remarried and has a better life ? If she has these feelings for me what could possibly be holding her in an abusive relationship where she is miserable ?

I have heard form several people in the last few weeks, one girl who works with her today, that she is going to move to South Carolina in the Spring. Evidentually the new husband has some family in that area and is dying to get her out and away from my presence so he can totally isolate and control her. She hasn't told the kids yet. The only response I get out of her about it is that no one around her approves of her marriage and doesn't want anything to do with her including her kids so why stay around here any more...

I could go on and on but I suppose this is enough for now.
D day 1 year anniversary date 12/23..... Merry Xmas to me. Divorce: The gift that keeps on giving ! Good Night ! DavidA