LustyMama,
I think you are a good and faithful wife in that you didn't say Well f**k you, H! when he walked out the door. Many many of us would have done that and never looked back. He IS a lucky man and don't you forget that.

Now. About the cleaning. Well, firstly I would like to say that I am just a superior human being and that is why I'm able to clean. LOLOL

Naw, this is how it really happened. My H would absolutely fly into a fury if the house was messy. Criticize me, call me lazy, start tearing into the chores as if he were going to punch a hole in the wall. This was after years of him doing the cleaning exclusively and then me quitting my job to stay at home with our firstborn baby. I took on all the chores and he wanted things spotless when he walked in the door. It was a LOT for me to handle--quitting my job, staying inside our 4 walls day after day, assuming all the chores singlehandedly, taking care of a baby, nursing. There were days when things were not shipshape when he walked in. He freaked.

So I initially started doing it to avoid his bad mood, his criticism. "Just do what he wants", I thought, "and he'll be happy." And he was! Every day at 3:00 (it has become a joke with my sisters) I am furiously picking up toys, doing the lunch dishes, vacuuming the floors, blah blah.

So he was happy, but I was miserable. I felt forced into it and to say I was resentful is a vast understatement!

But a funny thing happened. All this went on for a couple years, we had another baby and I thought wtf am I doing? Why am I settling for a sexless roommate marriage, wherein I do nothing but cook and clean and take care of kids? So I started pushing for a more equitable setup in our M. During that 2 years, he also started to relax and to trust that I was going to permanently hold up my end of the bargain--I would cook, clean, and care for the kids and he would not have to worry about it.
Then he started meeting some of MY needs and we both were able to ditch our anger. Prior to that, it really dominated so much of our interactions. We weren't necessarily fighting (though we did that a lot too), but there was tension thick, and always that feeling that things could degenerate at a moment's notice. We were on edge, IOW.

So time goes on and I discover, horror of horrors, that I liked the house tidy, too. And I didn't really mind the daily cleanup; in fact, I felt more relaxed when the house was clean--the clutter began to make me feel anxious.

So what began as me doing something to get him to shut the hell up has become something that *I* want to do every day.

P.S. You could substitute sex for cleaning in the above story and you'd probably have MrH's side, as well. Interesting isn't it!