H and I are going out tonight to one of my favorite restaurants as a belated b-day present. I'm sort of kicking myself now for suggesting this restaurant because the last time we were there was Dec 04 on one of our attempted "dates" during the separation. It does not bring back good memories and I really didn't start thinking about it until this morning. I remember that night being a turning point in my mind because I was feeling, well, really horny to put it bluntly. I kept thinking I could entice him into some romance/sex and it failed miserably. Tried kissing him and he like a brick wall. Humiliating. And at the time, I remember thinking, are your f-ing kidding me? I'm hot! That's when I finally said screw him and went out and found om to validate everything I was feeling. Maybe I wasn't really feeling it though or I wouldn't have been so eager to be with om? Did I need him to tell me I was sexually attractive? Not really. But the confirmation was needed at that time because I was so vulnerable to being dissed by my own H
So tonight, I am hoping to make some better memories with H at this restaurant and I better get a hot kiss if nothing else! The sad part is he probably doesn't even remember the whole incident from last time. Part of me wants to tell him again but what point would I be making? Yes, he knows he hurt me and I certainly don't want to make him feel like he Has to show his attraction to me tonight. That would seem insincere to me. So I am just going to play it cool and act "as if" and have a good time. The apple martinis should help