LFL, You know what strikes me most about your posts? How utterly vague they are. Things like "When he gives more, I will give more."
Have you ever fleshed these ideas out? Do you know precisely what it is you want and need? Can you make a list that looks like: This is what the first step would look like, then building to this, ... and so on?
I know you want very badly for your H to "prove" himself to you (I want that for you too, honey!) but he may not ever do this. At least not until things are better all around. My H never did. It wasn't until the R got better that he started taking risks and stretching himself. He NEVER did prove squat to me. Well, I shouldn't say that. He started taking small small steps and building on them.
I guess what I'm saying is that there was never any huge show from him..it was gradual and one step at a time.
Are you willing to go through this process with him? Because it's unlikely that your situation will progress differently simply because he put you through hell this past year.
One last question:
How well have you addressed your half of the problems?
My H never.........NEVER, okay...came out and said what his problems were. I had to read between the lines and I still do. He has a problem being direct. He is getting slightly better but there has been no drastic change in this dept. That doesn't matter to me. I still require myself to address his needs, whether he speaks them out loud or not. Despite the fact that he wronged me, I still required myself to meet his needs. It became a matter of integrity for ME, not whether he "deserved" it or not.
I suspect that if you keep yourself from meeting his needs, all the while constantly requiring some pretty drastic change from him, that he will tire of it and mentally check out. From there, it's just a matter of time to see who can leave the fastest. What a shame that would be!
I hope this isn't coming off as all being your fault...you know I don't mean that...only that you have some power here to effect the changes you want and unfortunately controlling H's response isn't one of them.
