Quote: --------------------------------------- Well, I know for sure he is guilty about the abandonement. The other one, not so sure of. No proof of anything other than I know he contacted an ex from college last summer. I know he also has friends on the internet. Claims they are all male (related to one of his interests). But he shows no interest in what I am doing or not doing. Seems odd considering the separation/affair. He thinks we need to be able to "do our own things, have our own interests". I agree we were too enmeshed before. Maybe we are going too far the other way now though. ---------------------------------------
I think that you both need to be an 'open book' to each other. His lack of interest in you suggests that it lies elsewhere. I very much doubt that he has no interest at all. If you both are open book and honest about how you feel, then you can address the issues in your relationship. I think that both of you are hiding far too much from each other. You can start by telling him how hurt you are about the lack of intimacy in the relationship.
Quote: --------------------------------------- I assume the implication is that I will not be able to truly work on the M if I am holding on to some other person. I do see your point. But what about just the idea of another person. Anyone can have those thoughts. Am I to go through life ignoring the fact that there are incredible people (men) out there who could be meeting my needs much better than H? Can one person or should one person be meeting all my needs? This is where I get stuck. My H has made mistakes, he has his own issues, but he is a good person and a likable person. But there are things that I will never be able to get from him. If I cannot get from my H the very things that I highly value in life (ec, love, passion) then are you saying I need to deprive myself of that the rest of my life? Because the trade off is lose my family (something I also highly value), get divorced. It does come down to that choice right? Black and white? No grey. ---------------------------------------
Everyone has thoughts at times, LFL, it's what you do about it that counts. As for one person meeting ALL your needs, yes, it can be done.
If you are wanting to get your sexual needs meet elsewhere and remain married, all while your husband is oblivious to your actions, then that is cheating. If the two of you want to have an 'open' marriage, there is only a fraction of a chance that it will last more than a year or so.
If you want to take a chance on someone else trying to meet your needs then divorce this man so that he can have a chance with someone else. I will tell you this, starting fresh just means that you have a lot of the same relational work to do over again. Relational issues don't go away with someone new, they just change - and not necessarily for the better.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
