If the place I am in was so great, having lost everything I worked for, I wouldnt be here encouraging others to stick it out. So are you saying you regret not making the reconciliation with your W work? Do you REALLY think it was workable considering all of the hurt and betrayal? How could you trust her again? It's not apples and oranges. It's the same response - I can no longer trust this person and therfore, the M is not workable long-term. (Trust, respect, commitment, remember?) Even if your ex did everything possible to try and show you she was wrong and wanted you back, I don't think you would have been able to handle that. What makes me so different? Not that I am not trying but it is sooo hard.
Give it to your H and he will give it to you. I am not giving him as much validation as he has been giving me lately, probably because I do not trust what he says. He validates quite frequently now but it does not really sink in with me. I like it, but I also think, it's coming from this man that will do just about anything right now to prevent me from running for the door. Maybe that is twisted logic but his words are not as meaningful to me as his actions. On a similarly diabolical note, the emotional connection I crave/need/want can only be achieved thru words. Talking about our deepest thoughts and feelings. I just cannot do that with someone who has proven he is untrustworthy.
the fight with your H left you shaken? Did you do my recommendation? Communicating with your body is a powerful tool. It speaks directly to the mind. words can be twisted, disbelieved, filtered, etc. Body language. very difficult to ignore. Well, this is one area that has improved ironically. I have been forcing myself to reach out for him and it does help. Have had some good cuddle time and even sex this weekend. I realize though that it is not enough for me. He is able to give me a mind-blowing O. So? I can do that myself. I want to feel connected to the person I am with through not only the sex act but the words he speaks to me on a daily basis.
I didnt go thru the torture of waiting and giving x a chance for us to have a healthy R to run into some BS make myself feel good and use someone R. You don't even know what torture is my friend. You have closure. Try living a life of contradictions, indecision, confusion day in and day out. Could drive someone mad. I know you are hurting but it is a different hurt. That is the part I somewhat envy. The road ahead is unknown for you. But I am confident you will find what you are looking for BF. You wouldn't settle for less.
Male female Rs are about attraction. piece of cake. up, down, in out every 2 years. chaos, not true intimacy. I know. I am no longer in that "high" phase that I was in during the separation. Being with om even though he was not right for me. Great sex. Big deal. I can find that anywhere. I want intimacy. I want an amazing connection. I want love.
Seems to me, as usuall, he is giving to you, what he wants FROM you. This is him giving you power. Will you use it to make the R stronger, or punish him? Hmmm.. Not sure about any of this. I honestly do not feel like I am capable of giving him what he wants right now. On the other hand, I am still trying to figure out what I want and who I really am. Not the same person I was before and I need to see if the new me really can have the M I want with the new him. How many people would marry the same person again if they had the chance? People change. Sometimes they change too much. That may be the case here.
I'm being a real bummer in the past few posts. The odd thing is, H and I have been having a good time, doing things together, having sex, just getting along in general. I would say the M right now is not in critical mode but there is not real connection, no real passion. Maybe I am shooting too high here but I know those things exist and I want them. Does that make me a bad, selfish person?
