He has been better. But there have been some recent incidences that had me worried. Don't want to get into all the details but one of his female friends said something about me that I thought was disrespectful and wanted him to address it with her. He put up quite a fuss about not wanting to confront her. It would only cause tension, etc. He hates conlict. This would have been a great way for him to show me that he is working on his conflict avoidance. He says he did end up talking to her and she denied it all of course. The problem is, I just don't trust that he ever even talked to her. See! It's all a vicious circle. The avoidance and the trust. What a mess. You and I tend to be more expressive and emotive and...ok, loose cannons, lol, but that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with a more subdued style of interaction, kwim? Lol. I'm a loose canon for sure. I think I make him nervous sometimes because he never knows what kind of mood I will be in. Poor guy. I do feel bad for him at times. He is definitely less expressive/more subdued. I accept that to a point. Like you said, the problem only comes when he is holding his true thoughts and feelings in and then building resentment against me. With the whole friend incident, he told me he thought I was wrong. Became quite agitated with me. Fine. I would rather have it out with him and have him tell me no then for him to give in and fume inside. I think he did this a lot in the past just to avoid a fight. I think the fact that we are fighting more is actually good for us.
What seems dishonest from him, these days? Are his actions matching his words?
Nothing that I can think of recently. His actions are pretty much matching his words so that is good.
Does he know how fully pissed off you are about his leaving? Does he know the depth of your anger and hurt? YES and YES. I have been going through stages of expressing this to him. Recently, he has been getting the full brunt of it. Probably with the new year here, I just am worn out from dealing with all of these feelings that have been going on since Fall 04 . But stuffing them is no answer. I do not want to conflict avoid with him just so he feels better. He lets me spew my anger when I need to and tells me honestly that it hurts to here all of it but he understands that it is not going to be fixed overnight. His therapist told him it is good for me to get it all out so he seems to be following her advice. I actually feel much better after these incidences. It's very cathartic. I know though, that sooner I later, I need to give it a rest. Haven't reached that stage yet.
I also see this unspoken line running through your threads: He was the one who deserved to be left and yet HE left ME!
WOW HP. That is how I feel. Very observant. I don't think I ever wrote it down like that but it is so true. HE was the one who would never open up, emotionally and sexually. HE was the one with the crazy FOO issues that were constantly getting in the way of our M. Not that I am without blame or issues that's for sure. But he always made sucha point of expressing how he would NEVER turn into his family, that he would NEVER leave like his Dad did, blah blah. I simply believed his words that he expressed over and over throughout are dating and M. I heard that continually since 1992. Talk about F-ing with my mind.
