I think there's a difference between being a conflict avoider and just not liking an argumentative style of conversing. You and I tend to be more expressive and emotive and...ok, loose cannons, lol, but that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with a more subdued style of interaction, kwim?
If there are things that are bothering him and he's not voicing them and becoming resentful in the process, well yeah THAT is conflict avoidance.
If he's just choosing not to engage in the drama, that's his choice, no matter how maddening it is. (and it IS maddening!)
What seems dishonest from him, these days? Are his actions matching his words?
LFL, lemme ask you this. Since he avoids conflict, I know that it is hard to be inyerface about certain topics because he has become deft at avoiding them and you defeatedly play along with this game. I know it well. My question is this: Does he know how fully pissed off you are about his leaving? Does he know the depth of your anger and hurt? Have you shielded him from it, so as not to trigger his depression again?
I also see this unspoken line running through your threads: He was the one who deserved to be left and yet HE left ME! Whoever coined the phrase Hell hath no fury.. obviously was in direct contact with some ancestor of either yours or mine, eh. I don't blame you one bit for being resentful.
I guess what I am suggesting is that you two do something symoblic to bury once and for all that old marriage.
And, secondly, to establish some ground rules for fighting and DO NOT stray from them. Your H bringing up the separation words, and then retracting them only a day later, is a bunch of bullcrap. He needs to learn how to fight fair and grow up. The next time he says that, I say call his bluff.
For me, resentment always grows SO much stronger when I am mad at not only him, but at my reaction. It almost seems like you're mad at him for how he acts, but also mad at yourself for TAKING it. Own your own reaction and that will lessen the resentment. You are choosing to stay in the marriage and fight for it and not take the easy way out. You are to be commended for your grit and strength. Please don't question yourself--you rock, dear heart!
Gotta go; sorry for the discombobulated message..I'm in a hrry.
