You certainly don't have to tell me your an intelligent person, I know that already I also know what it's like to rationally know what you need to do, but emotionally conflict with that....that's pretty much what I'm pulling out of right now, it's not a pleasant place to be, I hated it! I'm a logical person...like you I over-analyze everything.
You may just simply be in a spot right now where you, like I said, need to cut yourself some slack....and concentrate on conciously changing some of your behaviors. Being a logical/rational person like you, it helps me to have something I can do that's tangible....perhaps instead of just thinking about positives in your R, you could make a concious effort to actually write 3 positives a day in a journal? Just a suggestion, but it's things like that that help me out. It's something to help you work through that "knowing your doing the right thing" until you two get to a place where you "feel" it as well and rebuild some of that trust and EC you two need.
I think you are expecting too much too soon as far as your R goes. I do however absolutely agree with something you said, I don't see how your R will improve until you fully commit.
About a year ago or so...I thought I was committed to my M, I really did. One day though, I found myself surfing the internet looking up rental properties, just curious what a decent 2-bdrm house would rent for in my area (at least I thought it was just curiosity) it dawned on me as I kept scoping out the neighborhoods on my way home that evening....that I was looking for potential homes for my son and I, because my H was nowhere in my thoughts as far as the houses went. I was mentally mulling over my "escape" plan so-to-speak, so how could I possibly be fully committed to my M? Even though we were seeing a MC, and I was continually talking, communicating, etc. I realized I wasn't committed, I was looking at plan B. Knowing myself the way I do, I also realized that once I start thinking about something, it's merely a matter of time before I take action.
So...what'd I do? I went home and told my H what I realized....I also told him though that I don't want to move out, had no plans to do so. I want "us" to work....and re-committed verbally to him that I want our M to work. I haven't looked at rental property since then...for me it's not an option, not at this time....not while I'm seeing some type of progress in the direction I need. To be honest too....I've seen the most progress in our M since that time too, primarily in the last six months. We've certainly had our ups & downs, but there has been progress regardless.
I also know what it's like to rationally know what you need to do, but emotionally conflict with that....that's pretty much what I'm pulling out of right now, it's not a pleasant place to be, I hated it! I'm a logical person...like you I over-analyze everything.
