Ive been very quietly fuming over here Typical man
He handed you a lot of power when he said he isnt leaving again. Whatchagonnadowithit? I got your point but I still feel pretty powerless sometimes, probably more over my own response than anything else. Why can't I just will myself to "get over it"?
Your indecision is killing you. Yes. As well as my pride, my self respect, my stubbornness...
You are not a consolation prize. Thats such a negative attribution and self defeating. Not very confidant either.
Oh, I know I'm not a consolation prize. I'm a catch! You and I are very similar in several areas BF. Both emotional, stubborn, and a little too egocentric. I understand why you sabotaged the reconciliation with your W. (and you did when you went off on her). You knew it would cause major damage and you did it anyways. Sometimes I do the same. Why? Part of me thinks, how dare he? I'm an attractive, bright, fun woman who also loves to have sex! Most guy's would be thrilled to be with me. But like you said, SO? M is not about attractiveness but commitment, trust, respect, etc He says he is now committed to me, he respects me, but neither one of us really trusts the other. I guess that will just take time to build.
He was overwhelmed and needed to escape to his cave. for reasons that you were a part of. Have you figured your part of it out yet? Yes, and it is a continual process of self-discovery. I am not the same person I was before the separation. That woman would not be saying she is a "catch" and acting like she deserves better. But I do feel that way which is also part of the problem. I think I always looked down on those women who seemed to just take their H's back after some betrayal and thought, where is her self respect, her self-esteem? I would never be like that. Well, here I am living it. Can't tell you how many women made comments to me about how they would have never taken my H back. How is that supposed to make me feel? And it's not other people's comments, its my own. How can I respect myself if I let him come back? I want to feel good about myself around my H, not bad. And sometimes, I do feel bad. My guess BF is that you were doing some of the same. Can you live with yourself, hold on to your self-esteem and respect, if you take back your W who slept with your friend? Hard pill to swallow and keep down. Are you externally observing (others faults) or internal (yours)
I am doing both to an insane degree. Over-analyzing his every word and action. Doing the same to myself. Can't seem to take it down a notch. Need to work on that. It just goes so far against my nature.
If you use this new found power to belittle, berate and deflate him, verbally or mentally, you will end up back where you were, or worse.
I am not doing this verbally (anymore) but I think it in my head. Running dialogue all day and night. I feel guilty about it at times which I guess is good. Didn't have that guilt a while ago.
Your mind will believe whatever you repeatedly think about, and tell it. What are you thinking about?
Guess I sort of just answered that. Too many negatives, whether about him or the R. Also doing too many "what ifs". What if I left? What if we never got back together? Would I get remarried? Would I be happy? Would I be having amazing sex right now? See, most M women don't "go there" in their thoughts. They feel committed to the M and live within that boundary. My boundaries are really blurry. And frankly, the excitement of that unknown future is what I miss the most about our reconciliation. I'm a little jealous of you BF.
Me? I think I'm incredible attractive. See it works. Yeah, well, I need to stay away from feeling too attractive. It's much safer when you are single BF. I'm sure you attract the women like flies to the honey. And, you don't have to resist them now. Saw that hot 25-ish boy at the gym again this morning. He was looking at me again too. I behaved myself and walked out right after I was done in my class. Tempted to say hi though. Stupid. I don't need the validation but I like it. I needed it horribly when H left. Just need to get out of bad patterns.
You and your H need a game plan. Winging it is not working. Uuhhmmmmmm....stay away from 25ish boys? Yes, I know we need a game plan. He wants to go back to MC soon. Might be necessary but I need to embrace the concept first. I want to go into it with determination to really try. Not all half-assed. Otherwise, its money down the drain.
