Thanks for checking in! The thread of yours I was following locked up, then I lost track of you. Know I'll have to go catch up. I've got to get to work right now...but will be back in touch.
WCW- Hey girl, got your messages. Yes, sounds like we are both in a funk right now. Major decisions hanging on WAH's...there's a topic. Got to run. More later.
I went to your latest thread and found out you aren't even in HI right now.
One of the things I do like about the military is being able to move every few years without disrupting your career. But, my wanderlust, as my mom puts it, started long before the military. I can't imagine staying anywhere for 10 or 15 years either. Now I'm stuck in a place where if you weren't born in the area or plan to settle in until retirement, you might as well keep on moving, because no one's going to give you a second look.
Advice for you? I just can't think of any. Besides, trust your best judgement, but necessarily your emotions. If it seems like the time to lay it on the line with W, then do it wisely. On the other hand, the last time I saw H, I was sure that I HAD to have some kind of straight talk about our future. We didn't end up doing that because I chickened out. But, after he left, I sent him a kind, but "straight talk" email (without ultimatum). And I had good results from that. Although, I was not facing a D deadline. Still, the D is not final at the end of your vacation, right? Feel it out. You know best what to do, not anybody else.
Oh, did I say "more later." I meant more when something actually freaking happens.
Haven't heard from H in a while. The last email I got from him was on the 4th. He had the day off and he said he'd met and befriended some locals. So I guess he's either working long hours or out having fun.
As far as I know he still hopes to get leave in August. But, I haven't heard anything more in a while, so I don't know if I'm going to see him in three weeks or three months. And I will have to figure out how I'm going to deal with the situation if he chooses to fly into his parents city instead of mine. I won't be able to take vacation for all three weeks and some days he is visiting, so I'm hoping he will choose to stay with me in the house we bought so I can atleast spend the evenings with him while I'm working. And wouldn't it be great if he'd agree to take two days and nights and be alone with just me in some inn somewhere. Since we met, we have NEVER taken even a weekend vacation together. He doesn't seem to like that sort of thing.
Now I'm just pissing my own self off, so I'm going to cut it off.
Do you have a rule against emailing him and asking about his leave? offer to make travel arrangements for him to your HOMETOWN where you live. Be upbeat and optimistic and excited about showing him the house that is his home too. Tell him it's tourist season in this state and any plans should be made now to have reservations for when he comes home. Tell him you'd love to go with him on the weekends when he goes to visit his parents. July and ticking.....
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Not exactly a rule against it, just a general dislike of being turned down. Know what that's like?
Offering to make the travel arrangements for AK to here is unrealistic, given that he probably doesn't even know if he has leave yet. He'll have to do that. But, I suppose I could get ballsy and ask him if he plans on flying into this area so I can still spend time with him even when I have to work, and he can get a couple home improvement projects done while I'm at the office.
But, act as if, right?
Yeah I guess I better suggest this stuff to him in an email soon. But, my last two emails went unanswered, so I might wait until I hear from him again.
How is it that I'm so confident he'll be ready to do the handyman projects, but when it comes to leaving S3 with my mom and spend JUST TWO DAYS alone with each other...I cringe at his disappointing response.
No, I haven't asked him to do this yet. And I will. But I guess I'm taking his last visit too much to heart. Especially since it was the first time I'd seen him since we had re-established the relationship. But when I suggested we spend a couple days alone he just changed the subject. And even though he suggested we go out one evening, I had to push him to actually make it happen.
Quote: ...ask him if he plans on flying into this area
Maybe you could let him know that is what you are expecting and that no other choice ever entered your mind. Of course he should be coming to spend his leave with you and your son and not going to his parents. That should not even be a question.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
By act as if, do mean emailing him to ask when he is flying into my area instead IF he's flying into this area? I can do that. I plan to wait a few more days at least. He probably still doesn't know if/when he's getting leave, so I don't want to hound him with questions he can't answer. But, I will have to ask, because he rarely offers information much ahead of time.
I can totally hear him say, "you won't be able to take off the whole time I'm on leave anyway, so I'm just going to fly to my parents and you can drive down there and meet me later."
Then I'll argue that if he flew here, he could stay at home and get some quality time with S3 and finish some house projects. And I'd be able to atleast spend the evenings and weekend with him while I wait for my vacation time. Then when I'm off we can all drive to his parents.
To which he'll say, "no, it's easier for my parents to pick me up at the airport," or "yeah, but I already bought the tickets." And then I'll become very silent and overcome with the feeling that he just doesn't have the need to spend time with us, no matter how much he claims to love us. I might be overcome with racking sobs of disappointment. And I'll consider it a DB success if I can beg off the phone without flat out hanging up on him and mentally preparing myself to file for D.
Or maybe I'm creating this whole drama in my head, and he has been planning to fly into my area all along.
No, seriously, incase I'm right, what do I say if he wants to fly to his parents (it's not inconcievable given his history)????
You say, "H your place is here with your W and your S in our home. We can arrange to spend time at your parents, as a family, they would love to see their grandson too, and I would love to get some family pictures of all of us together to hang on the walls of our home. I will be waiting at the airport to pick you up, let me know what day and what time. Let's spend this time making some great memories for us when we are apart again."
or
"H, don't you dare even think about not coming home to our house on this leave!! get your butt home, no excuses.!!"
or
"H, would you pretty please come to our home on your leave? We need to initiate the bedroom of our new house."
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
