I called H last night to wish him a happy Father's Day. He left again for another 4 weeks out. Although they'll be in the shipyard and on land, so he could call, but I doubt it. He'll probably be busy and always says he doesn't have anything to say anyway.
It was a nice conversation until it turned to where H might get stationed next. He's keeping his eye out for what might be open when it's time to transfer. Which is great, but he was saying things like, "maybe I'll get the great lakes and I'll be close enough to you to spend the weekends with you." WTF! The weekends!?!?! First of all, I thought we were going to be living together at his next unit. And second, I can't live in this town through another tour. I've been here long enough to find out that there's nothing for me career wise or socially here.
Then he said if he couldn't get the great lakes "he" was going to Texas. No mention of us. Then he said, "well, maybe I'll just go back to isolated duty for a year and see what's open after that." That set off alarm bells. Families can not go to isolated duty. And I would only see him once in the year he'd be gone. Basically, extending our situation for another year.
My heart was dropping and I didn't know how to respond. So I didn't. I just said, "uh hu," like it didn't mean anything to me where he went.
This morning it's just all I can think about. The light at the end of my tunnel was all that was keeping me going and he was throwing around his words again, like he loves to do, and putting out the light. I know he just likes to throw around words he doesn't mean. It's power to him. But, I want to tell him that if we don't live together at his next unit, I'm done. I need to move on with my life. I can't spend any more years waiting and hoping like this. I did mention that if he went to isolated duty I wasn't staying here in the town I am in. He said we'd take a loss on the house if we sell next year. But we talked about that before we bought it. And now he's changing his mind? I mentioned the possibility of renting. Maybe that's an option.
We've only had these conversations about transfering once before-before we moved to AK. And we all know how well that turned out. We have to do it better this time around. So how do I change my part to make this go better?
I think I'm going to write him a letter. We've already established that we communicate about serious things better in written words. In the letter I will say what I want without being negative or accusing him of anything (even if it's true). I will use "one-downmanship" and tell him how I'm insecure and give him an opportunity to rush in and make things better. I will compliment him and thank him. I will ask him for his advice. All those things that have gotten such great results so far.
And I will somehow avoid an ultimatum by saying if he asks for a unit that we can't come to, or he doesn't want us to, then I'm moving on with my life and looking for a better job in a place Iwant to live. I am not putting my life on hold for him beyond the fall of 2008.
