Thank you RonJon and WCW for the cheers. There always good to hear.
I'm posting today, just because there no one I really want to unload on in my real life. I've been so stressed this week. I'm hitting limits I think, and I'm letting things drop. I'm screwing up at work. I'm loosing my temper with S3.
I just feel like I'm trying to do it all, alone. Yet, I feel like I'm not doing any of it well. I'm so tired. I have NO social life in order to be able to handle all that I DO do. And it doesn't usually bother me. But, once in a while I'd just like to relax with some friends.
I'm working two half time positions across the hall from each other. They are very related, and as far as the pay and benefits, there's no difference between what I'm doing and full-time regular. So, that's good. Still the pay is way below what I should be earning. I've been at the university I work at for a year, but I don't want to move on yet, because I know I'll be moving in a couple more years or less, and what good would it do me to move jobs twice in that time?
My supervisors are darn good supervisors as far as bosses go. But, still I'm feeling way overloaded and scattered. I screwed up on two significant things and feel like I'm losing a little face infront of my bosses and coworkers. But, life goes on I guess. Other people screw up. Still...
And S3 just sees me as someone to scream and whine at. I left him with my mom last night so I could go swimming and when I went to pick him up he was very excited, as usual. But, as soon as I got a little kiss and hug he started straight into the screaming and crying. Of course, my mom said he had been perfect all evening. Just like he usually is for anyone other than me. I just feel like my life is either the stress and insecurity at work or the screaming of my three-year-old at home. And I can only lose my temper and yell back or just do the thousand mile stare and pretend I'm dead on the inside. Great parenting, huh? I'm just so tired.
I'm up at 5:20 so I can take care of the dog and get a half hour workout in. Then it's rush straight through to 5:00pm so I can go pick up my son and sit through a night of crying and screaming. If I'm lucky I'm in bed with lights out by 9pm, after another big fight with S3 to get in his bed and turn his lights out.
Now I have to go 'cause I'm five minutes late on my workout this morning. The exercise thing is nearly the straw that's breaking this camel's back. It's the only thing I can sacrafice. But, if I want to feel better physically and emotionally, I have to try to white knuckle it and push through....
