I got a Valentine's Day card from H yesterday! I think this might be the first Valentine's acknowledgment I've ever gotten from him. It's really dawning on my how much he's thinking of me and doing things to try to make good. Of course, it probably helps that I have been working on those words of affirmation.
When I got the card I dropped everything, opened the envelope, read the front, read the inside, looked at the post date on the envelope, examined H's handwriting, read the front of the card again, read the inside again, repeat... I just had to suck every last little detail out of the moment.
Something else I've been noticing for the last several months-H doesn't write "support" in the memo of the checks he sends me anymore. When things were looking bad, it bothered me so much that he wrote that on the check. I thought "does he really have to right 'support' on there? That's what you send your ex, 'financial support.'" Never mind that that's still the term I use to categorize his checks in my personal finance records... But, he doesn't see those.
I figured I was probably just being emotional. But since we've confirmed that we're going to be a family again, he stopped writing that on his checks. He just lines through the memo blank and one time even wrote a little term of endearment there as if he knew I was looking or just to see if I was. Everytime I think it's just me clinging to details or over-analyzing I find out that H is doing the same. And when we do have one of our very infrequent and short R talks he always brings up some minute detail from the past and I think, "I can't believe he remembers that. I had no idea he even noticed."
And I guess that's why it's so important for me not to take our interactions for granted or get lazy about the thanks and compliments.
Lately I've been biding my time between these wonderful little gestures. I'm so happy that we're coming back together, even though I know the test is yet to come, when we finally try moving as a family again. But, often I find myself thinking how LONG the wait for that is going to be. Since I started DBing I've had little benchmarks along the way. Now, it's just waiting and maintaining. Different challenge...
