Last Christmas I was still reeling from the shock of moving and still having those dreams about H saying he wanted us back and then waking up to the nightmare of reality. Just a couple months earlier H had told me in no uncertain terms that we had "no possible future together."
That Christmas he sent me a fruit & jam basket and a one line "Merry Christmas, hope everything is going well," email. At the time, there was a voice in the back of my head asking "why is he sending me anything?" And there was a louder voice in the front of my head saying "screw him, he just wants to look like the nice guy here!" I certainly hadn't sent him anything. No card, gift, or even seasonal email.
So, it would be nice to get a ring this year. I can't lie. I really do want to get it. But, I already got what I wanted most of all. So, it would just be a nice touch, not a huge deal.
Quote: Other than money, is there anything else that holds you back from the house? any other contingencies? like how long before you could move in?
Besides the fact that it was built in 1880 and it has settled really bad and the floors and ceilings are a concern, it had many advantages. Although I don't know how long it would take the sellers to move out. I'm rejecting the counter offer tonight, so it's off the table.
I'm going to look at another house in town this Thursday evening. If I don't decide to make an offer on this next one and nothing else comes open in town, I'm going to start looking out of town. But, that means a commute that I REALLY want to avoid.
Quote: Is it coming out more now that your R is taking a positive track? Issues to deal with that you've suppressed to get the ball rolling?
Yes. I'd say the anger started coming out a couple months before H came to visit during Thanksgiving. We had started communicating pretty affectionately. He was acting like a husband in every way except he wasn't mentioning a future together. Then he started emailing less, but his ship wasn't out or anything. I started getting really angry. It just felt for all the world like me and S3 weren't really on his mind. That's the good thing about being so far apart. H didn't see me getting frustrated like that. But, then his visit happened and later I finally initiated that future talk. And my anger subsided. I haven't been as angry about all the past hurts since. But, they are still there.
It's definately true that when we are in crisis mode, looking at the backs of our WAS's as they are leaving, we are too desperate to be angry about THEIR part in the problem. But, once you start to get your feet back under you and it looks like the crisis might be averted, the anger comes back. Not that I'm more angry now than I have been recently. But, now that I have some confidence in my sitch, I have some confidence to deal with my anger too.
But I think after a while of watching your spouse come closer, step away, come closer, step away, as you have had to deal with, you probably start to get angry even when you're looking at their back. There's only so much of this you can tolerate and stay a Saint. I think a lot of people on this board are here because they can tolerate more than most. But, even we have limits.
