Your post makes me feel sad and hopeful at the same time.
Sad, because your journal entry from 1999 could have been written by me (and probably many others on this board) today.
Hopeful because you've gotten past it and, seemingly, fixed the problem. It sounds like you are a real live "success story."
Sad again, because even with your success, the "bad old days" still haunt you sometimes.
My advice is to let yourself feel angry and sad at times. Cry when you need to. Then think about where you are and where you were; how far you've come. Think about all your friends out here in SSM land, and how much we'd love to have a fraction of your success. Then smile and get on with your day.
