Let me add... that in my mind this is NOT about getting it right with the other person, or clearing the air with them, or letting them know how much they've hurt you or anything like that. It's about defusing the land mine, so you don't have to worry about stepping on it again and blowing it up. This is work to be done in your own soul, healing yourself from within...
Once you truly feel you have removed the detonater pin (cap? whatever blows the thing up) you may still have a reaction when you encounter the memory, and THEN you can put it out of your mind, ignore it, distract yourself, etc. This is after you have gotten past the place where your immediate reaction is to burst into tears, have to choke the tears back, have to FORCE yourself not to think about it, etc. If you're still having a reaction at that magnitude, there's work left to be done.
Yeah, looking back on that crappy time will never make you happy, but processing it will reduce that memory to the size of a small speed bump instead of the concrete barricade that you have to detour around (but you know it's still there).
