This is a very difficult thing. You MUST let go of the past. Just like couples where there has been an affair. Just like any couple where one partner was previously married or had another very significant relationship. We all drag bad and good memories around with us. I know you don't want to go back to where you were. Do you feel that your H has properly understood and apologized for what went before? It sounds like he demonstrates that he understands now. What happens if you have your cry then repeat the mantra "that was then, this is now"? Can you validate your own feelings then move on?
BTW - what finally helped him understand after 12 years of not?
