No, my H doesn't talk about the OW, I do. Actually, since I found the letters four days ago (one to her, one to the first OW who he's still in contact with but doesn't see), this is what prompted the OW talk.
I was so down from not sleeping, having to go to a Taekwondo belt ceremony and party, and obsessing over my snoop finds the day before, that by the time he came and we had some Merlot in the restaurant, I couldn't stop myself.
But I do think I handled it in a good way. He denied it was the same OW, and he didn't get angry with me. He never talks about his women. Months ago he would mention a little here and there (and this was before I'd read much on the subject) and I would begin crying, pleading, screaming, everything I wasn't suppose to do, and so he quit talking at all about them. Since I've read practically everything that's been written on the matter (e-books as well as regular books (I have about 50 books just on this subject)and know that you can't do that and have your mate want to be around you at all.
Your sitch is so similiar to mine. Today I'm feeling very ambiguous about everything. I don't know if you know it, but I'm dating also. Last night I went to dinner with a MF and it was nice. It's nothing serious but fun and pleasant. I have a date with another MF on Friday. I've been seeing these two for a month and a half. It stops the pain of my H momentarily, but in a way adds other complications. The older man that I'm seeing asks so many questions about my WAS that it was becoming annoying, yet I know he doesn't want to get hurt. This is yet another reason I took the no-contact stand with H.
It may be that since in both of our sitches the SL wasn't very good, that maybe this is why our WAHs are wanting to pursue this aspect in our marriages even though they are in other Rs. What do you think? I've read that if the married couple has a good SL while married, that a whole lot can go wrong in the M before the S will leave.
Some other questions: you may have stated some of this at the beginning of your thread, but how long have you been separated? How long has the S.x been going on, and has it been regular? And have you ever gone dark or told him no-contact? If so, for how long did you do it?
One point about MC, unless the WAS is willing to work on the R (ho or no ho) traditional MC can hurt more than help the M. Michelle talks about this in her DR book.
What I want to do right now, jeanb, is go to the RV and make mad passionate love with my H. I want this more than anything. But the letters I found keep popping up in front of my eyes. He is in love with others--not me. This limbo state has been going on for 7 months. His new OW he's had for only 2 months. He was actively searching the whole time he was seeing me and ML with me. So now I'm thinking I'll not see him any longer. Of course, I've always changed my mind and contacted him, we'll see if this time will be different.
You hang in there too. Do you have any plans with your H over Christmas?
