Rere, thanks for your thoughts and also so sorry you are feeling down about this idea of detaching and your situation with your H also.
Sounds like you and your WAS talk about his OW--this seems like something that could be so hurtful for you and sorry you need to hear about his attachment. Myself and H do not bring her up at all. Anytimes in the past when I have blown my cool and brought his OW up, it definitely made mine clam up and run, not to be heard of for more days. I think the guilt is what does it for my H.
And yes I am depressed after ML , mostly because I realize I can only fool myself for so long about the intimacy we felt for that night. Then unfortunately it's back to this real world that involves way too many outside people that I have absolutely no control of.
No, for last couple years, our SL was not good at all, Now looking back I can see that vicious cycle of me thinking we needed more intimacy for SL and my H thinking "no SL, then no intimacy". I know it wasn't that easy. I am just so upset that we have not even gotten to the point of MC together, so can't even begin to start working on any of us, Not until we get the OW, ( i like to call her the ho) out of the picture! Yes, I think we have made small steps, and feel I have changed for the better, but also learning that my H must see the changes and not have me announcing them. He really must see that I am GAL and that he misses this . That's the hardest part for me too. I try not to pursue, but pretty much try to mirror his attention to me or comments. I just try to test things then slowly, i.e. if he wrote a note and signed it Love , I would not suddenly gush out all my affection, I try to go slow. I think we go up the hill and then unfortunately slide down again.
How long do we wait?
That's why I really believe you should not ever mention this OW or call her. Please write down on these boards all the awful things you would do and say to her. I will personaly do and say them for you on these boards.!!! We can throw rocks through their windows, write profanity on their walls, whatever we want!-- that could be a great thread that I bet has been covered, as long as we do it here and keep our control. How many times have I told myself, I MUST not let this OW take control of my emotions.
No, I don't know who the OW is, my H's OW lives about 3-4 hours away, and I only know bits and pieces from my past snooping. That's another whole subject too,which I'm sure we all know what is good for us and what isn't. But I for one have done some and can't deny I won't in the future. I don't always like what I find, but somehow feel it gives me a glimpse at how they are in their R, and possibley what's to come, and I've even thought of the financial reasons if suddenly I heard or read something that I should know about for my safety. please hang in there, and maybe we can all coast through these holidays happy and blessed with what we have, and if WAS aren't able to see this, then we will build our own peace and happiness. take care. Please let us all know what we can do to your H's OW--or can i call her a ho too?
