Rere honey...I am so sorry that you are so down...and while we can all say that you need to emotionally detach...I know from experience it is much easier said than done and you will in your own time.
By contacting the ow you are giving her more power than she deserves. I've done it before, sat down and had a heart to heart with ow in the beginning of all this...and she took all that I shared with her, turned it completley around and used it against me and Dave thought I was out to get him.
Let's also look at it another way...the ow is involved with a married man...what morals do you think she has. She probably already suffers from extreme low-self esteem and no self-confidence otherwise why wouldn't she look for someone who is available. No they have no respect for themselves, they have no morals...so what good is talking to them. As Kimmie said to me "I know what you are going through, my exH left me for another woman." Well then if you knew and understood then WTF did you take up with him and get involved without letting him go through the grieving process of our R? No, I sincerely doubt that there is much you can do to convince them otherwise...but if you feel you must, then you do what you feel you need to do.
I personally have not seen anyone have any luck when confronting the op. Instead step back and look at the big picture...what was it that led your H away from the marriage and into the arms of someone else. This is something that you have control over and have the power to change. That is what DB is all about...making changes for yourself and perhaps your WAS will see these changes and find that the grass in NOT greener elsewhere. But they must be true and consistent changes that they can actually see in you.
