How to hold my tears?

[PandaWanda]

It may very well be that both of you have a pull on him. She has an emotional tug which has him "totally wrapped around her, obsessed even" (and which, because it's emotional, could ultimately win out), and with you, he has a vision of 'living together forever'. Neither of these scenarios deal with reality on his part.

That suggests he has a conflict about letting go (of either one of you). This status quo can go on for some time! Either you have to excel at meeting his emotional needs far better than the OW, or you need to drop the rope and let him experience whatever it is he's looking for outside the marriage, hopefully that he'll find it was an illusion.

I agree with your aseesment, not sure what you mean by "dropping the rope" and "outside the marriage" - isn't this hanky panky affair that goes on for over a year already outside the marriage? I hope you don't suggest that I file for divorce.

It looks like I will be able to addres now his emotional needs way better than OW, with all those DB strategies that I just started to use, especially in contrast whith the behavior of OW -- the roles are being reversed!!!! She talks now about having sleepless nights full of anxiety (welcome to the club, b#%^&)

I wrote about it in more detail under the thred "Dealing with The Other Woman".

Thank you for your suggestions about dealing with tears. This appears to be now my greatest challenge.

cheers to all of you,
PandaWanda