Hell no! The fact that everyone in the world seemed to know about my H's affair before I did is one of the things that makes it most painful to me. I would have preferred he kept it to himself.
my h's affair lasted a long time...exactly how long I'll never know.
I know he spent some time with her before we were married...decided he shouldn't spend time with her anymore because after all he was marrying me...still went to her christmas party the first year we were married without me despite the fact that I let him know how disrespected by it I felt (at that point I knew nothing of their friendship and thought she was just a weird customer of his who had boundary issues)
by the time I found out about their "friendship" they had been seeing eachother regularly for lunch and daily phone calls for over a year.
3 months after exposure h moved out
7 months of seperation
OW eventualy asks her h for D because she's "in love with my h"
shortly after ow asks her h for d my h gets confused and decided he wants to try again with me
ow stayed around for a bit after that though I don't know how long
OW has apparently moved on
though h is now home and ow has a new bf (she did D her h after all) things still are not great between us.
make certain you don't want your spouse back for the wrong reasons.
I am for outing the A that doesn't mean you run your mouth and tell the world...it simply means you let your spouse know that you know...hey part of the reason they may be doing it is because in their mind you don't care.
My wife has been into this for 7 weeks. only physically seen him for a weekend 10 days ago due to the distance.
Today she was talking to him on the phone IN MY LIVING ROOM when I came home. I came down on her and told her to take her affair into her room, not in the common areas of the house.
A little later I made some small talk with her, but she seemed hurt/angry.
So, I'm wondering what others may have done to set limits on what the Adulterous spouse may do in the house.
Since my H. moved out, I can't offer you much, but I will say this: when H. would come over last month, he would sneak outside to call o.w. or check his voicemail. I caught him a few times, and put my foot down. I told him that if we were supposed to be spending time together, then this was very rude and disrespectful towards me. He agreed (after getting upset at first) and has since stopped behaving that way. Sometimes he will even leave his phone in the car while he's visiting me.
I took a chance that he might stop coming by if I said something, but he didn't. You have to stand up for yourself. Nothing wrong with asking her to go into the other room if she's calling OM.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I have known the whole time about the extra time that my H has been spending with my "friend." Obviously she is not a friend, but her entire family seems to accept her spending time with my H! It's truly unbelieveable!!! So far, it's been only a month and a half and I'm hoping that I only have 4.5 months to go!
My H A began as an EA Sept. 04 and then moved to a PA Dec. 04. I actually found out about A in Feb. 05.
H came and left 5 different times. H left: 1) Wanted some space between us. Returned to try and work on things. 2) H believed things would not change between us. Returns because he misses me. 3) Came clean about A. (has D papers drawn up) Returns becuase OW was not what he thought she was. 4) Misses OW terribly and wants to be with her. Returns because he wants to do the right thing. 5) Still misses skank and asks for D and filed papers. Two months after filing D, OW and H get into fight and he returns for last time (on 9/11).
We have taken things verrrry slow right now. H told me he loved me last night for the first time.
H's A lasted a little over 12 months. DBing did work for me personally, whether my H came back home or not.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Ok, this is the kind of post that I've been waiting to read. First of all, congratulations on his return and the ILY. I think it's great that you are taking it slowly. This shows the pinball bouncing of how these WAS's act. And it seems like a lot of the posts I read on this website that involve eventual reconciliations had the same element...it was only after the big D was in process (via paperwork), that WAS realized that was not what he/she wanted, and finally came back home. The ultimate reality check I guess. I'm sorry for what you have been through emotionally...12 months is a very long time. But, good to hear that you're working it out now!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Ok, this is the kind of post that I've been waiting to read. First of all, congratulations on his return and the ILY. I think it's great that you are taking it slowly. This shows the pinball bouncing of how these WAS's act. And it seems like a lot of the posts I read on this website that involve eventual reconciliations had the same element...it was only after the big D was in process (via paperwork), that WAS realized that was not what he/she wanted, and finally came back home. The ultimate reality check I guess. I'm sorry for what you have been through emotionally...12 months is a very long time. But, good to hear that you're working it out now!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
eventual reconciliations had the same element...it was only after the big D was in process
There's a big difference between successfully reconciliating and just having the WAS return home. Don't confuse the two!
In my sitch, it's been about a year and a half that my ex is living with her boyfriend. Was ongoing prior to that for maybe a few months as a possible PA, and before that, for I don't know how long, but long, as an EA. Beats me if she had priors before that or during that.
For the record, my divorce went through and didn't change anything.
