I don't know if there is a thread about this question but here it is:
For each of us who have a spouse who had / is having an affair how long has it been going on or how long did it take for it to finally fade out? Most articles say it rarely lasts more than 6 months. What have you experienced?
What was the reasons given by the WAS for it's end?
Did your db'ing start to work better when it ended?
well...I have heard 6 mos...but like you I just saw that my wife is there right now at OM house...she tells me she doesn't want a divorce just space with an apt, but she is over there right now...I want to call her a bust her cold...but I know I have to play it cool...right?
The window is on average from 6 months to two years, your mileage will vary. It takes a while for brain chemicals to not have their effect and the infatuation to fade, but of course there are numerous other variables to consider. That's if it does end. It just doesn't pay to go there... better to assume it will be for the long haul and that's a good enough reason to GAL in the meantime.
Our sitch is entering it's 6mo. But I am out of it...I do have friends that were both WAS and have been together 5yrs and have been married for over 1 yr and are expecting their first child. His exW (married for 23yrs) is still waiting for him to come home.
He began an EA online 3 months before he left, then left the day after he met her. She decided she didn't want him, but he pursued her for months afterwards until she told him no contact.
Since then, he's been dating from the dating site and also dating me. He won't tell me anything anymore, bur I think he's had this one about two months. I've also begun dating to try and ease the pain and lonliness. We have a year's wait after separation to file for divorce in our state.
He still sees me and we have a sexual relationship. He claims he hasn't had sex with any of the women yet.
I believe the first one who dumped him was the reason he's been looking for more. It would probably have been better if she had dated him, as she is a fantasy that could never be lived up to.
I've been Dbing for six out of the seven months. It doesn't seem to work any differently whether he's with one or not, except he doesn't call as much. I have pursued him most of the time.
I think he may be a little jealous of the men I'm dating recently, though he tries to hide this. Our physical relationship is better than it has ever been and our R has improved, but he still refused to come home. I will even spend time with him over Christmas.
Like I said, he refuses to discuss his relationships, though I discuss mine openly with him.
In my situation, H. and o.w. met 9 mo. ago. He has broken it off with her 3 times during the past 4 months, but each time the break up lasted only briefly. Reasons? First time, it was because I discovered it. Second time, H. had doubts and was, I think, trying to do the right thing and stop it. Third time, because H. and o.w. had serious trust issues (gee, really?) and he said that no matter what she said, he would not trust her. Also told me they argued all the time. They have since talked this out and are “serious”. I’m still DB’ing.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
According to my WAW and her pinheaded OM, the emotional affair started around the first of May. It became a PA around the first of August...so about 7 months now.
WAW is still living at home with me and our two small children (D2, S4), still sleeping in bed with me, still says she loves me. Though our friends are now aware of the sitch, our families don't have a clue.
I keep DBing as best I can...it seems to be working somewhat, but not enough to keep her away from overnighting at OM's once or twice a week.
My H has had 3 affairs that I know of during our marriage. He confessed all of the following to me. A1 lasted about a year. It ended because she moved away with her H. A2 I have no clue but I think it was also about a year. A3 began about 13 years ago. All were PA. He bounced back and forth between A2 and A3 for several years. He was in touch with both of them for at least 10 years as I have cell phone records as proof. To the best of my knowledge he became "serious" 3 years ago with A3. Believe that is point at which A became E as well as P. I found out about all of these affairs 2 1/2 years ago. During this time, my H claimed to be stopping the A and wanting to stay married to me. He officially left Sept. 2. That is the point where everyone else found out. So he has been "exposed" for a little over 3 months. I do think you have to take the "exposure" factor into account. I think the relationship doesn't get a chance to experience the realities of everyday life until it has been exposed.
Thanks for starting this thread. I have wondered what the DBers experience on this has been. I've heard the 6 mos. to 2 years before. Wondering if that is even close.
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I agree with the A being exposed. My H's A was exposed 10/12/05. It went on and off before that for about a year, all the while the ow pretending to be my friend. What a #%*! Since H moved in with her, he cries everytime I see him, last 2 times I through in a little sex just to mess with his brain.
H's affair was PA and EA, very intense but thankfully relatively short. It was very serious for about 4 months, serious enough she was regularly communicating with my MIL. About 4 months after it ended, she was still waiting for him to end our M. I think that might have pushed him over the edge to where he really didn't want anything to do with her. That said, I know they are still in occasional contact.
H has told me that it was a stupid mistake and that he mostly feels guilty about it, but not guilty towards me, guilty towards hurting her. And, he doesn't consider it an affair as in his mind our marriage was over. This all happened a year ago.
We had been putting our M back together since last year, but recently he's decided we're just "not right" for each other and now we're headed for divorce again.
Until this second round of us headed for divorce few months ago, I had no idea about his affair. (He didn't tell me I found out on my own.) Now I suspect someone else, but perhaps I am just paranoid. I also suspect that the b**ch is just sitting around waiting for our marriage to fall apart ready to swoop in.
