Are you making a legal point or a moral/ethical point? Because if it's the latter, I don't get it.

Hi Al. Neither, though I'm not making a point. I'm asking for clarification. That's about my first sentence in the quote. Maybe my train of thought wasn't clear, sorry. P&DB's comment was about the OW having sex with her H, though he had informed her of his intent to go back to his wife, and I wasn't clear on how she knew he had told her. I don't trust WASs to be totally honest with their LBSs, and not always with their OPs either. In any event, despite the fact that he told her, if her did, no OW pinned him down to have sex against his will, right?

The rest of that paragraph was in regard to P&DB's statement "But I want to rattle her cage a little, in the hopes that she thinks twice before doing this to anyone else."... that the OP isn't "doing" anything to anybody, they're doing it for themselves. Hope I'm clearer now.

If OP and WAS are smart -- and if they're worth it to one another -- they'll wait to jump in the sack until after the D is final.

"Smart", maybe yes, but it takes all types to make the world go round. "Upright" is what've called it.


I wrote: I have a hunch...

You wrote: As much as I respect your opinion...

It wasn't an opinion, it's really just a hunch. I've been there, seen those tactics used.

Adultery adds to it, however

So, you're looking at using adultery for grounds in order to obtain a better settlement, do I have the right sense of things now?

Is possessing an email from your WAH where he clearly talks about how he left you for another woman, etc. evidence enough? Just wondering, because this is what I have.

HF, I understand we both reside in the same state, NY, and therefore the same laws govern you and I, and we face the same court system. When I filed for divorce, I discussed with my attorney about suing on grounds of adultery. His opinion was that to prove that to the satisfaction of a Judge is a big legal entanglement in Suffolk County, where I reside. A divorce can be obtained with much less effort and cost if one lets go of the need to prove righteous and/or legally declare someone to be an adulterer. To me, it was good enough to be the Plaintiff, you know what I mean? I faced an easy non-contested divorce that ended up costing me $1800. When I got divorced from my first wife in 1990, she fought. That divorce cost me $12,000.