Interesting perspective, NYS, and thank you. I often read your responses to others and have always been very impressed with your level-headedness and candor.

Fortunately in the legal end, $$$ is not an issue. My L is a personal friend. I am very, very fortunate and will somehow find a way to repay the Universe for this favor when all is said and done. (You're my witness.)

But HE's the one that had sex with HER!! OPs don't "do" things to LBSs, they're in it for themselves.

I do not disagree with you. And I'll have my day with H, too. I believe he's 90 percent at fault, to her 10 percent; after all, she didn't exchange vows with me. However, if she didn't know we were reconciling, she did know that we were married when she met H. And I don't care what the WAS tells OP. If OP and WAS are smart -- and if they're worth it to one another -- they'll wait to jump in the sack until after the D is final. But that is assuming we're dealing with smart people. And we're not.

As for standard of proof, I have plenty ... and could get more, if I wanted or needed. H isn't the smartest lightbulb in the pack, as I believe I've made very clear. Again, I'm fortunate. Adultery has been proven time and time again in courts without the help of a PI. Recorded phone conversations help with the bluffing effort -- without even having to bluff. N.C. is a "one-party" state when it comes to that. If one party knows the call's being recorded, it's allowable. Many, many ways around paying for a PI. Luckily again for me, I have a job that includes a lot of investigating. And recorded phone conversations.

The goal is to get the offending partner's admission, obviously. And I didn't mean that a L would bluff H in court. The goal, of course, is that this case not go to court. Any good L's goal is to get a nice settlement. The bluffing is aimed at that.

And, yes, abandonment is certainly grounds. Adultery adds to it, however. At this point, I must ask myself which battles I want to fight. And right now, I'm ready to fight both. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

I have a hunch that he's NOT going to drop his attorney. In fact, my hunch tells me what he's telling you is EXACTLY what his attorney suggested he try with you: get you disarmed. make you think you've got him pinned, get you to drop your guard, lay off.

As much as I respect your opinion, on this one, I'll have to bet you a dollar to a hole in a donut that that's not the case. But we'll see. I do agree with you, however, that he will not drop his L. Once OW gets a letter from my L, H will be ready to fight back.

Be sure to stop by as often as you can, NYS. I value your thoughts.