Hey Preggo, you gotta do what you gotta do especially with children (one as yet unborn) involved. And I have to say if the man didn't know you would react like this then he didn't know you very well. I have known you what, coupla months, on the internet for God's sake and could have predicted that the can of whoopass would be broken out if anybody intentionally hurt you.
Please, concentrate on yourself and that baby and leave him out of your head for a bit. We're with you for the ride girl.
You do need to take care of yourself and baby. I would be smart too and take care of all the legal issues. Now, are you sure you want to sue OW?
Quote: I'm not sure I could have forgiven the "goodbye sex." But I'd like to think that I could have. I just can't get over him lying to me.
Are you sure you would have forgiven him??? I think you are just not seeing it straight. I have done the same thing. Once I found out about OW I actually lowered my boundaries and standards and took him back right away. The matter of fact is, out of desperation we end up forgetting what we really stand for and what we really want in a partner. That's when you gotta be tough.
Preggo, you deserve so much more tenderness and care. Do not lower your standards to have him back out of a need (need to have him there), but make sure you want him.
Shall do, bigAl. I've felt very peaceful today, for the first time since last Wed. I also feel at peace with my decision. H is pretty dumb. I'd bet he had no idea how I would react. I honestly think that as a result of my validating his feelings (which was a total 180 for me, BTW), that he felt he'd be able to have his cake and eat it, too. I honestly believe he thought he could play both of us at the same time -- that I was so desperate to have the father of my child here, that I would tolerate anything.
And in that case, you're very right. He obviously doesn't know me too well.
Hey, caverna! Thanks so much for stopping by. No, I'm not sure I want to actually move forward with a lawsuit against OW. Like I said, that's mainly to get leverage against H in the future. But I want to rattle her cage a little, in the hopes that she thinks twice before doing this to anyone else.
You're right about wanting and needing, and taking H back after the goodbye sex. All I can do right now is speculate on how I would've reacted if that was *all* that happened -- in other words, if I had not found out that they've been carrying on a sexual relationship since at least October and talking on the phone 13 times on some days.
The "goodbye" sex was just the icing on the cake. Finding out the other stuff is what hurt a lot worse.
Hey P&Db, I know I just write like 5 minutes ago maybe you should give it time, and I still stand by that, but I also agree that you have to do what is best for you and your children. I feel the same way. I'll fight for my M as long as I can, but after that, I will fight with my for my children. I hate saying it, but we , meaning you and I as mothers, have to do what is best for our children. Sure they can go out and play with their little girlfriends and have "the life they always wanted", as long as they show us the money first! HEHE!!
First of all, I'm giving my opinion in the spirit of someone who accepts that you're truly all the way done with your M. I don't give a flip what H thinks about your M. If you say you're done, though, then I'll believe you. But having said that, none of us here, particularly me, are gonna have any problems changing the direction of our support if you change your mind, okay?
You've said your L is the best west of the Mississippi. I gather from that you trust him. So if you trust him and this is what he advises, you'd have to have a pretty good reason to do anything different.
Now, I don't see much point in doing something strictly for vengence. Either you're over somebody or you're not. If you aren't, then you should be working on something other than revenge. If you are, you won't care enough to waste the effort.
But I have no problem with rattling this twinkie's cage. She pursued a man she knew was married to the point that she had sex with him after being told he was trying to reconcile with his pregnant spouse. Fu@k that chick. She can KMA. And if the law in your state provides you the possibility of compensation for her egregious behavior then I'd say you're entitled to it. And I don't see how she's entitled to any peace of mind for a long, long time. Perhaps this will give her some perspective on just what it is she's done, like when somebody who justifies driving drunk finally hits a light pole.
No doubt this move will play into H's suspicions of you. It'll be very hard for him to get over, confused as he is. But maybe he'll get some perspective on just what he's done, as well. Not only did he completely screw you over, not only has he put himself in a position to take a financial beating, he's also exposed his little "friend" to the legal system.
He can try to paint it however he wants but he ain't no victim in all this. And his twinkie ain't no victim, either. If they can't take the heat they shouldn't have hopped in the kitchen.
So think it over and be as sure as possible you're done with your M before you fire this bullet. I would imagine you can wait a few days without risk if you're unsure of what you want to do. But if you're ready then fire away. You deserve to take full advantage of any legal remedies available to you. And even more than that, D9, D8 and S0 deserve the best life you can now make for them. If you ever feel the law has been overly generous with you, you can decide to accept less of your own accord.
Bottom line: if your L thinks this is a good idea then I'm not going to disagree with him.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
'Nuff said, partner. Thanks so much for your support. And I see exactly where you're coming from. I have no hope of reconciliation, so I'm firin' away.
Ok, you have decided the M is over. Now, you have to prove in court (you know, I know, everybody knows he cheated, but the court needs a real proof, not just phone calls) that he has strayed with this particular woman. How are you going to do this?
This is the time for you to calm down and let him "enjoy" OW. Don't threaten him with ANYTHING or else he will be extra cautious and you won't be able to get that proof.
I know I sound mean and manipulative, but that's what I would do if I decided to go that route: I would let them feel confortable to see each other for my own benefit. I decided not to go down that route 'cause I don't want to deal with the added pain of having to clash w/ OW.
I hope you take a few days to think about it and see if you are really up to it.
