I'm pregnant. He's sleeping with OW.

[petiteflower]

I posted this under another thread, but it seems to be somewhat applicable here as well. Maybe it will provide some solace, advice, and hope for both you and PNDbing....


"Though the story I'm about to tell doesn't exactly mirror the OM/OW situation, I find there are a lot of similarities and lessons learned from it...

When I got pregant with our S, my H and I were not at a good point in relationship... in fact, we had just started to "date" each other again, and were trying to work through the issues that tore us apart months before. When I finally confirmed to my H that I was indeed pregnant, and had decided I was going to have the baby no matter what, he flipped out. Told me he had just wanted me for the sex, that having the baby would be a mistake, that he wasn't emotionally or financially in a place to support a child, etc. Some very painful stuff. He walked out of my apartment, and we didn't talk for 6 weeks.

That was probably the lowest point in my life: 3 months pregnant, just out of college, in a low paying job, and the man I loved walked out on me. I had to go and tell family and friends that I may have made a mistake and was going to be a single parent and needed help. 6 weeks later I finally called H to see if he would sit down and talk with me about what he wanted his future role in the baby's life to be. He agreed, and from there on, we slowly, and I mean slowly, started to try to trust one another again. At first, I just got a phone call every couple days... then visits once a week... then twice a week... phone calls every day.... at 7 months pregnant he told his mother... at 9 months pregnant, his friends.... and, when, after 20 hours of labor, we found ourselves blessed with a healthy, beautiful baby boy, my H told me he loved me for the first time since the night the child was conceived.

Did I resent him at times? Sure? Angry at his indecision about his role in my life? Yes. Sad he wasn't there for me at times to share my pregnancy in full with me? Of course. But the one thing I kept thinking during that time was that no matter how I felt, I ultimatley, deep down inside of me, knew what a great man H could be, and I had faithin him and, if I could give him the gift of time and patience, he would come to his senses, also have faith in me, and we would start a family together. It was not easy, and there were a lot of times I was very down, but I surrounded myself with friends and family and tried to appreciate what little my H could offer, while at the same time preparing myself mentally and financially for the possibility I would be a single parent. And when I stopped having expectations of my H, and let things progress on his schedule, didn't ask for more than he could offer, let him reach out for me, he slowly started to warm again to me...

Thinking back now, since our S was born, I got away from that tactic... and it may have, over time, led to our current sitation... I never knew it at the time, but I was DBing unconsciously throughout my pregnancy!

Just concentrate on yourself right now honey, on what is good for you. Today was only a minor set back, and tomorrow is a new day. Detach, GAL, and just mentally prepare yourself for whatever may happen. "

PetiteFlower