Lucky for you, I am getting sick of grading papers after 7 or 8 hours of it.

1. My H doesn't live here, but he comes and goes (in the driveway, not in the house) as he sees fit. This is technically his house. I would absolutely love to move, but I can't afford to. And I'm always passing by the house where my H lives now. It's just across the street. So, how do I avoid him?

CLARIFYING POINTS THAT PROBABLY WON'T HELP YOU:
A couple of things spring to mind. First, didn't you say H said his roomie was moving or am I confusing you with someone else?

At any rate, I don't think you can legally keep him away from the house. You say you cannot afford to move. I assume he is making the house payments. If he is planning to move to the mountains or whatever, is he still going to make them? If you get divorced, is he going to make them then (I know child support, settlement, etc. will get you some $$$ some time, but it'll be awhile).

POSSIBLE SUGGESTIONS:

Anyone you can live with for a little while until you can get to a point you can move? Family or friends (no single guys please).

What you really want is SPACE between you and H. Maybe you can get to that point without either of you moving. Bringing us to number 2.

2. Short of not contacting him, is there anything else I can do to give myself time to grieve and move on in peace? Obviously, don't confront him. But I don't know how to act when he's around. Do I ignore him, since he's so angry that any discussion starts and ends with him yelling at me? Do I continue to call him every once in a while, just to see how he's doing? Do I say "hello" to him when he's in the driveway, then walk in the house and shut the door? What's the best course of action? I just don't know how to act around him.


I would say be polite but do not initiate. You see someone on the street, anyone you know, you say hi to them, right? Same here. But you don't go looking for him. If he comes to your house to work on his car, stay in the house or leave or whatever. If you come face-to-face with him, say hello politely and move one. Don't be rude, but don't be overly warm and friendly either. But don't run out to the garage to see what he is doing.

You do not have to make yourself obey some weird rules in your own house, so if you need or want to approach someplace where he is, do so, but don't go looking for him.

3. What about my baby? I'm 4-and-a-half months from giving birth. H was excited last week, but now is saying "f*ck that child" because I caught him (H) in a compromising position. Should I continue to talk to him about the baby, or go back to how it was when I didn't refer to the baby at all? At first I didn't tell him about appointments because he just got angry, and said, "I won't be there." But last week, he came with me to the ultrasound.

Well if you don't initiate a lot of talk with him, then talk about the baby won't come up much but if you want to, keep him informed. Tell him about important progress points. "Doc says he is the right weight" or whatever. I'd say you can tell him about what happens at the Dr.'s visits, but I'm not sure I would invite him along unless he asks to. You can't ignore the fact that your pregnant and neither can he. Just give him relevant facts as you see necessary and let him ask for more if he wants it.

Unless you can find a way to move, I think you will need to find a way to keep contact to a minimum without being rude and without feeling trapped in your own house. It can be done, I think. I think I have seen you going to him a lot lately. Calling him, writing letters, meeting him outside, etc. Stop that. If you meet, fine, be polite. If you don't, then don't seek him out. I wish I could find a way for you to let this stuff just sit on the back burner for awhile and concentrate on your D's and your baby and ignore your H. I know that this is damn near impossible to do sometimes. I have been there. Heck, I stop by to visit there on a regular basis, but please try to find something to keep your mind off.

Here's wishing you well preggo. I know the world has screwed you more times than you can count. Hope it doesn't hurt you so bad this time that you never trust it again. There are good people out there and good things do happen. Do me a favor and believe in that just a little, take care of yourself for yourself and let us help as much as we can.