Thanks so much, Sheila. I appreciate your willingness to kick him. Really. Wish I could, too. Wish I could kick both of 'em.
Ya know, when H and I started the "reconciliation" process, he kept referring to a dilemma he was having over the girl he always *thought* he wanted -- he called her June Cleaver -- and me. He told me, "I always thought I wanted June Cleaver. But you're not June Cleaver; you're P&DB, and I'm not sure I want June Cleaver anymore." That led to other conversations about him wanting me to meet him at the door, sometimes with makeup or something (I don't wear makeup). He admitted, "That's my June Cleaver thing again." He said, "I mean, I like that, but I also like the hardcore P&DB." I started joking back and said, "Well at least I cook like June Cleaver," and he said, "Actually, I bet you cook better." Obviously, he was having an internal conflict.
But I'm starting to believe that it was also an external conflict. OW is June Cleaver. She makes him feel special. She goes out of her way to bring him lunch. She has sex with him during his lunch hour. She's obviously so very desperate and needy and willing to do whatever it takes to keep him. And that strokes his ego (among other things).
And just like my H said, I'm not June Cleaver. I'm P&DB; take me or leave me. I can make him feel special; I have before. But I can't emotionally depend on him. I never have, and I can't see that I ever would have. I am my own person. That's why he fell in love with me to begin with. He used to tell me how thankful he was that I didn't take an hour to get ready for the grocery store like his GF before me.
I just have to think that if he was having such an internal conflict over OW and me, wouldn't you think that means he was already growing tired of her? He was apparently willing to tell her that he was going to work things out with me, albeit I bet he used his "obligation" to the baby, especially with him finding out it's a boy.
And I wonder about the timing of everything. We had just started "reconciling" after Thanksgiving, and his entire demeanor turned more positive in three weeks. While at first he had told me to "get rid of that baby," early this week he's telling me how excited he is about him/her. Then we found out he's a boy, and H flipped! He was so ecstatic. He's told me he wants the baby to have both mom and dad under the same roof, and that he can't imagine living a life where he has to come on the weekends to pick up his son or daughter.
Not that it'll do me any good, but it's fun to speculate about the timing of his excitement about the baby, us finding out he's a boy, then me catching him with his pants down -- I just wonder how it's all gonna come together ... and what new and exciting twists his joy about having a baby boy is going to bring to the equation. It wasn't a factor a month ago. Maybe it won't make a difference. I dunno. Whaddyou think?
