A- bet you dollars to donuts he's been with this woman since before you separated. That she is the REASON for the separation in the first place. Statistically (I've been here a long time) the odds are about 100 to 1.
B - His comments earlier about not being happy for 3 years, and his bitter comments to you at the time (instead of ILYBINILWY) - sounds a lot like the typical comments of a guy who has been playing around the whole time. Kind of like the guy who started his affair before the wedding (!) or the other guy who was having multiple affairs throughout. I may be wrong, but you may want to do a little sleuthing to see if my instinct is correct. Do you know this OW? Is it possibly someone he has known for a long time? Could he have started with her that long ago? Did she ever come out of the bedroom? Does she even know you are pregnant?
This might be one of those rare instances where contacting the OW could give you valuable info. I say this because, your choices might be a little different if this is just a case of him starting to date after you were separated, and being a little torn, versus a case of he's been cheating on you since before you married him and you are just now finding out.
Hey Ellie. Actually, I'm pretty sure he wasn't seeing anybody beforehand. He's obviously a piece of sh!t, I'll give him that, but he's not a liar.
I don't know her, and she had the covers over her head in the bed, frozen silly, when I walked into the house today. I only had one question for him when he told me about her on Saturday. I asked if he worked with her, and he said no. He said it was very important for me to understand that he didn't start seeing her until after we separated. I didn't ask any more questions. I didn't want to know.
Everybody's initial feeling when he left is that he was seeing someone else, but I don't know. Maybe he knew her. More than likely he did. But I think he would be more the kind of person to leave so that he *could* sleep with her.
I still think he's not a liar. Maybe I'm naive, but I think I'm a pretty perceptive person. I think I would've known.
I'd say I'm 85 percent sure she's someone he picked up in the aftermath.
And obviously, with his comments that she was telling him all the time that she didn't want to be a rebound, she comes across to me as a desperate person. And that's going to eventually be a turn off to H. I think, if he truly broke things off with her around Thanksgiving, that she figured (by calling him today, offering lunch and sex) that she'd finally show her last card.
I have one last card: I'm carrying his son.
I think I got one up. But I don't plan to use my son as such.
I think this A will last a while. But my H's not one to deal too well with desperation. That's the reason he fell in love with me, or at least why he said he did. I'll give the A six months. And by then, it'll be too late for him. Poor soul.
Sounds like he is torn between doing what he really wants (being a husband and father) and doing what the thinks he wants (sleeping with someone else, no responsibility). He is going to have one tough struggle ahead. I still say if you DO want him back, don't be a bitch, just be distant and make him have to win you back. You already know he wants you back. You have as good of an excuse as any for not sleeping wtih him, you don't want to infect your unborn child with any disease.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
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I don't know that he does want me back, Becca. But I've already thought of the risk part. Pisses me off. I'll make an appointment with my midwife immediately. I would question how I could've been so trusting. But I always thought he was a trustworthy person.
Quote: I still think he's not a liar. Maybe I'm naive, but I think I'm a pretty perceptive person. I think I would've known.
Yeah, and I was here for two months swearing my H would never have an affair - until I found out he was.
Quote: Everybody's initial feeling when he left is that he was seeing someone else, but I don't know. Maybe he knew her. More than likely he did. But I think he would be more the kind of person to leave so that he *could* sleep with her.
Whether he actually slept with her or was just having an EA before he left is moot. But I'm betting he had SOMETHING going on with her beforehand.
Quote: Two weeks after I found out I was preggo, H came home from work (on Sept. 16) and dropped the bomb -- out of absolutely nowhere. No indication, no warning. Everything had been beautiful up to that point. He had convinced himself the baby might not be his. He didn't start with the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" stuff. He went straight for the throat: "I hate you. You make me sick. I've never loved you. I've been lying to you for three years."
This is NOT the reaction of a guy who just doesn't want another kid - but it IS the reaction of a guy who has figured out that you being pregnant is going to screw up his hot new romance! And the BS about not being sure it's his - just a way to let himself off the hook - probably the lie he has been telling OW.
And as for OW staying under the covers - you sure it's not anybody you know? Why would she care about hiding her FACE? And I wouldn't take his assurances that it's not anyone at work for gospel truth.
Just working on my hunches here, but I'd say, in this sitch, a little knowledge is power.
And don't let him think you're okay with this. Just let him think he's lost you over it.
My girls aren't his. This is his first baby, and I've never seen the car before, so I can assure you that *I* don't know her.
a little knowledge is power.
Yes, I agree. And I'm hating like hell that I don't have anymore than I do. But tell me this: What does it matter whether he was seeing her before, or if he picked her up afterward? Why would he still be telling me, just last night, that he wants to get back together? And then this?
And don't let him think you're okay with this. Just let him think he's lost you over it.
Great advice, and I'm serious here: Now, how do I do it?
