As I start my 9th thread, I begin with my last post from Thread #8 on Sat 12/10:
I agree with my Counselor (and you) that XW is starting to doubt herself and all the decisions that she made. Think about it, if I'm truly getting to a place where I can have interactions and come away not feeling down anymore but feeling that she's pathetic and sad, maybe it's not out of the question that she herself could be starting to see it that way too. My counselor (as well as many of the books I read last winter on the subject) says that's part of the natural progression, and the 1-Year mark is about when it starts.
It has been a year now since she made the final decision that she was done with "us". This time last year, she was in the "euphoria" of her new relationship with the OP and had visions of their future "beautiful" life together. Now, a year later, she may be realizing that her life hasn't really changed day-to-day. She still goes to work, comes home, cooks, cleans, washes clothes, goes to the grocery store, Target, etc. The only difference is she has a different guy sitting at the other end of the couch. Also the couch is no longer in a big beautiful house--it's in a 900 sq. ft. second floor Condo. She must go across a parking lot with a bunch of Quarters to do laundry instead of the room right next to the kitchen (and the machines here don't have a coin slot). When she comes home from work there's a guy sitting on the couch already because he gets off work at the warehouse at 2:00 instead of coming home and being greeted by the two Beagles that she used to say she "could never live without". There are plenty of other examples but I'm sure you get the picture.
Still, all that being said, I really can't fathom at all that it was she who sent the text message.
Take this weekend for example: D13 is over there and so are his two kids because it's his weekend to have them. Because I know money is tight (trust me, she brings that up any time we have to talk about D13 needing anything) I'm sure it'll be another night of the 5 of them sitting around the 20" TV watching God knows what (probably Poker according to D13 ). Me: I have the privilege of going down to the OC tonight to hang out with my good friend Kim. That's right, the Sage of the Board, OCKim. We made a deal a few months ago that if neither one of us has anything to do on a Saturday night (when D13 is away), we'll hang out (and share our misery--kidding). Usually it's dinner, Starbucks or Barnes & Noble (usually poring over the "relationship" section.
Walked the dogs to the Coffee House and hung out there for a couple of hours this morning. All the usual Satuday morning suspects were there. The Beagles got more than their share of lovin' and I had probably way too much caffeine but it'll make for a more intense workout at the gym this afternoon. Speaking of which, I better get over there!
Thanks for listening to my caffeine induced ramble...
What's gone on since Saturday you ask? Well, here goes even if you didn't ask...
On the XW front, I sent an e-mail yesterday with D13's Xmas list on it asking her to let me know what she's buying so I don't duplicate. Then I had to actually call her this morning to let her know that when D13 comes back from BioDad's on 12/31, instead of coming here until 1/04 she'll have to stay at the Condo (I had already rolled D13 through this and she was cool about it). XW was strangely very nice on the phone. She asked why and I said because I would be "out of town" for New Year's. She responded with an "Oh...OK then".
I elaborated that because of this I knew that D13 wouldn't be back with me until 1/11 but that I would see her because I've been invited up to BioDad's for a couple of days while she's up there. Response: "Oh, you're going up there then?" Later in the conversation she actually volunteered, "Well I'll see if I can make arrangements for her to be at your house some days during the week she's supposed to be with me so you don't have to go 3 weeks." I said fine. Long story short--in her tone and speech she seems like she's going out of her way to be nice. Maybe the books are right and after a year or so, the guilt is kicking in and her lack of happiness is opening up parts of her mind that were previously closed off.
As far as what I'm doing, basically I have buried myself in the gym. Tonight will be 7 straight days (bordering on obsession?) What I will say is that it sure makes one feel healthy, both physically and mentally. D13 comes "home" tomorrow night and we're going to put up the tree. I'll take her shopping this weekend so she can get some presents for her little friends. She says she wants to take me out to dinner Monday night for my Birthday. We'll see about that... I also have my next MFT session on my Birthday (nice...)
Earlier I referenced being out of town for New Year's. I'm taking the last week of the month off. The day after Xmas, my brother and I are going down to Mexicali to see 47?-year-old Fernando Valenzuela pitch in the Mexican League. Then up to BioDad's (already mentioned) for a couple of days. New year's weekend I'm driving up to see a friend who lives in Las Vegas. He used to work with me here in So Cal, and he's going through a Divorce currently (very amicable, they remain friends). The Rose Parade is on the 2nd this year and one of our stores is on the parade route. So, the night of the 1st, a bunch of us are having a party there, then staying over and watching the parade from the roof of the store (hungover). We've done it before, it's pretty fun and we're not out on Colorado Bl with all the other crazies. So I think all that qualifies as some GAL!?
On the 4th, my "el-train" friend flies in on her business trip and we're going to find a bar to watch the Rose Bowl together (she's a Texas grad so it should be interesting when USC beats them by 21!!!) Her business doesn't start until the 9th so if we hit it off, maybe we'll spend some more time together that weekend. Play it by ear you know?
Anyway, that's enough for now don't ya think? I'm going to try and wrap up here so I can head home, have a nice piece of Grilled Salmon and (you guessed it) go to the Gym.
Thanks for listening and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 2006!!!
Yep, I'd say that definitely qualifies for GAL. Big time. But you do need to take at least one day a week off of exercising. Gives the body time to rest and restore itself. So do give yourself that one day. Then you can obsess the other 6.
Alright, I'm done lecturing you. Glad to see you had a good interaction with XW. I personally think alot of it has to do with your change in attitude. She sees it. She sees you are moving on. And it is affecting her. But that's just my opinion!
BTW - is 2006 here yet?
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
(she's a Texas grad so it should be interesting when USC beats them by 21!!!)
All I'm saying is the Trojans may well be the better team, but all we're gonna hear going into that game is how great 'SC is and how the 'Horns are gonna get killed. Nobody's gonna give UT a chance at all. And believe it or not, UT is pretty good.
So just don't bet her anything you're not willing to lose. That's all I'm saying.
Oh, and I'm sorry she's a Texas grad but there's still some statistical chance that she's become a good person since then.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Quote: But you do need to take at least one day a week off of exercising. Gives the body time to rest and restore itself.
Beth,
I hear you, but the plan I've devised is one that I don't work the same group for 3 days. Also, every third day is Cardio only. I'm going tonight again but I am taking tomorrow night off. My boss is taking all of the Department Heads (and Spouses --oh well) to dinner at a very nice steak house in L.A. But I will be back there on Friday night!!
I'm in L.A. all day today so a long, slow drive home awaits me this afternoon, but wen I get home my baby girl will be there waiting!!!
I've already taken a great deal of heat over the SC game (GO TROJANS!)...but sheesh I don't even like football...so it matters not to me...
Sounds like you are busy...good for you.
BTW..when you are watching the parade...look for the Allen High School Band...that is my daughter's school band in the parade...a bunch of her friends are in the band and the community pitched in to send them. A few years ago I was in NYC and at the Macy's Parade and poof there they were in that parade and we had no clue...go 1300 miles and we ended up running into our neighbors all over Manhattan!!
Have a great holiday...Mexico sounds fun...can you bring back some Mezcal?? Don't eat the worm!
Hi ya Gym Junkie that is some real GALing and I must agree with Beth. Your attitude is a changing and XW would have to see that. Look how surprised she was to see you were going to BioDads, that probably unnerves her some as what talks you two could have about her, at least I am sure that is what she will be thinking.
I am glad you are meeting up with your train lady hopefully you do hit it off well as it will be good for your PMA and if nothing else you can never have too many friends.
I think XW was very surprised you said No to having D13 is that the 1st time and if so what a great 180 and the fact that you had sorted it all with D13 first was even better.
I just want to say you are starting to sound so much like the old DMF so keep it up and yes bring on 2006 it surely cannot be any worse than 2005 only better by a long shot....Kim
Glad to see you back on the upswing...and I think we are all ready for 2006! I myself, am not planning on even celebrating Christmas this year...but the New Year? H*ll yeah, I am!!!
And yep, I'd say when you truly drop the rope and aren't just faking it...it def. shows and makes the WAS take note.
--oh well) to dinner at a very nice steak house in L.A. But I will be back there on Friday night!!