Carvarna Would now be a time to join that Rescue Squad. One of your Goals was involving that and to accomplish that goal takes an incredible amount of training and time. Acting on instinct does not happen in the 911 world. When faced with a tough rescue Your training will take over. My experience with Virgina squads have been positive.
There is a time for everything including pulling back and healing or redirecting to other activities. Maybe this will focus you on positive things without destroying anything you built up.
I believe you have what it takes in this arena.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
