Only you can know that. Just take it slow as the hoidays make all this extra hard. Also, before I DBd I joined a support center for divorcing woman and went for a consultation. I even went to a fancy divorce lawyer for a consultation. Nothing wrong with looking into it. Actually both those experiences made me decided that getting a divorce would be harder (for me) than hanging in there for as long as I can.
I know what you mean about the game playing. It is such a challenge not to feed into it and do the same. My DB coach told me: consistancy on your end is key. I know, I know... soooo hard!
I might suggest a book (I bought the book on cd): Bill Ferguson, How to Divorce as Friends.. (And maybe stay married .. or something like that). It really helped me to let go. His view on divorce is not the DB route BUT I think it has a lot of great advice in it. (I actually even did 2 phone calls with him where he guided me through exercises that made me bawl my eyes out on the phone with him> ) Point is it might help you to feel more at peace with the sitch and act accordingly.
hang in there!!!!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Quote: Actually both those experiences made me decided that getting a divorce would be harder (for me) than hanging in there for as long as I can.
I am getting to those conclusions too. I want to move forward, but I don't want to be the one to do it. I don't want to regret anything. I prefer to be dumped!
Quote: My DB coach told me: consistancy on your end is key.
Hey Cav! I am sorry I have been away so long. I see you have had a lot of great advice and support.
I think staying dark is working well for you. It sounds like your H is really trying to get your attention but you are holding on to the dark. I think this is the point where you had been going in circles before. You came out of the dark too soon. Keep up the good job.
I agree. Even my non-dbing friends agree with me. Even people that have no idea what dark means. They say, next time, make him fight to have you back, not take him back right away.
H is still online. Nothing new on his e-mail account (aren't I pathetic?).
What I meant by that: We have to be even more consistant exp. because H is on a rollercoaster ride and is "confused".
It is so easy to be pulled into the chaos they are creating. THe best thing for us and GAL is not be all over the place. The best thing for WAS is to see that they cant pull us in. It shows that they cant control us.
So it would fit that perhaps you "undarked" (my new word ) too soon. We have to really try not to let them take the lead ... they have no clue where they are going from 1 second to the next... not someone we should be following right now!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Last night H was online and OW got on for a few minutes. They are both blocked in my side. She left very quickly. I know that H stayed online late 'cause when I logged off he was still there. God knows what he was doing, but it just makes me feel better that lately that's what he does: hangs out online at night, so he is not seeing OW. Also, it gives me some reassurance that he is not out and about as he was the last five months. Whatever he is doing online just shows he is tired of being out there and is feeling lonely. Am I right?
Hi Caverna - There could be many reasons why he is online. In fact, he could have logged on, set a script to refresh his activity so he appears to be online, and gone out for a while - just a wild possibility. You could literally drive yourself nuts thinking about the possibilities.
Now, what is new with Caverna? How are you getting on with your fabulous life?
I know I am obsessing about this, slowly. It's just that things are moving so slow. I am in a trap. I wish I could take my mind off of it for one milisecond.
I started a new "plan" to get me to be less obsessed. I only allow myself to talk about the stitch with friends and family every five times I interact with them and, you know what? It really works. I haven't had a good laugh with a friend for a long time because I always reverted to talks about H. Last night she mentioned something about him and I said, "we are not talking about it today" and I went to bed feeling less heavy because we only talked about silly things and good memories.
) Point is it might help you to feel more at peace with the sitch and act accordingly.
(aren't I pathetic?). 
