I am still confused, brava. He is offline again. Maybe angry (again) for something I (didn't) do. I am so tired of this little game. He is always trying to get my attention. It's enfuriating.
I was laying awake in bed for a long time today rethinking the whole ordeal, week by week and I see that this is an endless pattern of game playing and pain. I realize I scared a lot of people away because of my recurrent problems. I have been sad for too long.
I know it is a very important decision to be taken lightly, but I feel H has not though this through as much as I have. So I think I am ready to start the D process. I just want to get out of this funk.
