You are doing awesome. This lovingly distancing stuff is super hard and I think you are doing beautifully.
Quote: One of his shoes is back in the shoe closet. I don't know if that means anything.
I had to comment on this. It made me laugh as it resonated with me so completely. Ah yes, we look for any and every little sign don't we?! We would make great private eyes or be good at some sort of adult version of "I spy with my little eye". No word, gesture or moved item escapes our notice !
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Hi caverna - Reading through your thread here brings back memories of how NG used to be 'confused' all the time. At that time, I spent so much of my energy trying to work out why he did/did not do or said/did not say things. With hindsight, I see now that he was just not with it. Many things that I still remember, he seems to have absolutely no recollection of. I could dig up his emails, but then, why bother?
My point? Your H is probably having an out of body experience. He may look like the same guy, sound like the same guy, but something important is missing. The best option for you may in fact be to assume he has a really bad viral infection, one that needs to run its course, and that there is just nothing to be done other than get on with things that are important to you
Some things that can reduce the power of the virus are the basic dbing techniques, especially 180s and mysteries. These seem to divert attention (mental energy in the affected host ) from the virus to you.
I hope some of this made sense, I fear I may have been rambling on Slowly
now this time hold on for longer than last time and make HIM work hard watch out for those dogs tricks lunchtime walk eh new trick and now a shoe trick
so what plans do you have for GAL that will be interesting and will let him know just what he is missing out on
Slowly, I have to ask. Did your H come back? I just feel like my H just stopped loving me and there is not much I can do.
I do believe in mystery. It seems like he can't stand it.
What I will do from now on: not call, not call, not call, not write, not talk w/ OW (even though I have a feeling she wants to talk w/ me), not hang out when he is in the house, let him have to TRY and find me, let him call me, play a little hard to get, let him miss me.
Meanwhile I will be busy enjoying my life in my house and trying to meet new people. I will expose myself and hopefully meet interesting men.
Funny. H and I had planned on blocking each other online so we wouldn't communicate. He unblocked me. I can see his icon. I will not unblock him, though.
It seems to me he wants to communicate, but this time I won't be so open and take him back so fast. Mystery, right? Let him wonder what the heck I am thinking.
I got home and his car was on the driveway. I parked on the street and waited for him to leave. The thing is, he was walking the dog and passed right in front of my car (I think he saw me). So he let the dog in the house and left.
Once I came inside, I noticed that this one picture I had of him in my wallet (and I took it off and put it on the counter facing down - I was going to throw it away) was facing up. He is trying to make some kind of point.
I was talking with one of my clients who was a WAH and he says he thinks H is disrespectful and childish by not waiting for the divorce to be over before going out with other people.
It's nice to see that I am not crazy; that H is irresponsible and reckless to my feelings.
When I look at my stitch, I can see that if he really wanted out and was sick and tired of me, he would have said from the get go that he wanted out and was going to go out with other people.
On the other side, if he does love me (but not in love as he says) he would have respected my feelings in the process.
Now, because H was neither one of these options, I see a lot of anger coming from him. Even the fact that he cheated on me with a Brazilian sounds like anger towards me. Does it make sense? He is just too damn angry with me???
Quote: On the other side, if he does love me (but not in love as he says) he would have respected my feelings in the process.
Caverna,
Says who? I am sure my H loves me still and trust me , I have a few encounters a week where he is not is trusting me! Of course he does not see it that way. (Darn virus!) brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
I am still confused, brava. He is offline again. Maybe angry (again) for something I (didn't) do. I am so tired of this little game. He is always trying to get my attention. It's enfuriating.
I was laying awake in bed for a long time today rethinking the whole ordeal, week by week and I see that this is an endless pattern of game playing and pain. I realize I scared a lot of people away because of my recurrent problems. I have been sad for too long.
I know it is a very important decision to be taken lightly, but I feel H has not though this through as much as I have. So I think I am ready to start the D process. I just want to get out of this funk.
