I agree with AndreaV - you always panic when you think too far into the future - so when you find yourself doing this stop and concentrate just on what you are doing concentrate as hard as you can - even if it is just making lunch when you learn to concentrate hard on the one single thing you are doing at the moment - your mind cannot wander off into the future I teach this to kids with anxiety its called worry surfing Caverna it works if you can practice it - and then when you feel your mind wandering you can use it to thought stop
the trick is to only and very hard concentrate on what you are doing
I lost you in the threads. have just been catching up. I think you are doing REALLY well. I love the short term goals you set for yourself. You might want to take them that extra DB step and really define them: "what will that look like" what will I or H be doing..."
You are on the right track though I think to take the focus off of him and back onto yourself.
I have a feeling I will move to "Piecing" in the next few months but until then I just have to focus on myself and let him come to me. I have to be that confident enegetic person I was before this R and neg. thoughts got me spiraling down.
I bet you notice it too- the moment you are more your confident self , he is drawn to you like a fly to honey!
My DB coach just reminded me lately that I am operating under the Laws of Attraction -- dating rules not marriage rules. Can be exhausting sometimes but hey better to deal with dating with your H than withsomeone totally new- at least you have some solid experience to work from!
bravagal
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
The counselour finally called and I left a VM to H saying that. I told him it was up to him. He never called back. He also didn't come to walk the dog and get all the stuff he brought home on Monday. His bags are still sitting here.
Carvarna Your smart, young, attractive, and wiser beyond your years. Keep pluggin, prayin, and working like you have and Tomorrow will take care of it'self. We admire your persistance.
You probably do not notice the changes in yourself keep pluggin. You will do well.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
That's what I will try to do even though what I WANT to do is yell at him and tell her what he has done this week, but I know that won't take me anywhere. It will make my anger subside a little, but will rob me of my dignity. I still want to be the better person.
Unneventful. Went to my first C session. I should have gone a while ago. I should have re-read Love Must be Tough a while ago as well. I think I found it difficult to follow the book because I was afraid to lose him. Now I have nothing to lose, so I will be a little tougher. I think I already sent him a Dobson letter, I just didn't follow it through.
So this morning I went to the C and then spent a good amount of time at a book store. H called and left a VM saying he picked up the dog and will bring it tomorrow.
He was very stern and didn't call me by my nickname as he usually does. He said the full name. It's a new thing for him. Anyway, the fact is, he is trying to avoid me, right? So he went home to pick up the dog and only called me AFTER he picked it up. He could have left a note. Maybe he went there hoping I'd be home and run into me? And once he realized I wasn't home, got a little pissy and felt like calling?
Just wondering here and blinding myself with positives.
I realize that all the little positives I THOUGHT I saw in the past were actually positives. Every little suspicion I had of H's underlying behaviors were true. He confessed most of them.
