Why should I complain?

[mystia97]

I've reached what at this moment seems to be the proverbial final straw. I'm very emotional right now and I'm sure my thoughts are going to be all over the place. My hurt and anger has turned to hate. I am not the simpering, apologizing at his feet wife right now. You remember that lady who ran over her husband when she caught him cheating? That's me. I didn't catch him cheating but he shouldn't dare to walk in front of me at the moment.

Kids are at my mom's until saturday and he asked for sex, I was estatic. We just went out to dinner so I made a point of making sure my mouth was nice and minty and his as well. Tried to kiss him and he said "I'm sorry, I can't kiss you" and rolled over. I've had it. How long am I to remain here desperately wishing for the love and affection I deserve? It was not that long ago, 3 months, that I remember him kissing me very passionately. I hate him for causing me to feel like less than a woman. I find myself craving the the physical touch of man so much that it's on my mind 90% of the time. I love this man so much but I guess I can't have what he's not willing to give. One thing's for sure, I can't live this way for the rest of my life and I sure dodn't know how much longer I can live this way right now. What do I do? He doesn't want me. I wish he would just leave. Who knows, maybe he'll be gone when I come back from my mom's this weekend.

So I grabbed my stuff out of our bedroom and self imposed isolation upon myself in my office. I just don't know what to do. Was this the best decision or should I just have went to sleep in our bed with him instead of putting further distance? At this point, I'd rather he never touch me again than to have to suffer the mediocre sex we were having and put me through the living hell he has been.

Do I need a man to make me feel like a woman? I shouldn't, I know but he has brought me so far down that it would sure help.

So what do I do now? I'm distancing myself from him the most I can. I'm tired of being his loving wife and receiving nothing but crumbs in return. He's a big boy an it's time he started acting like one. He can take care of his responsiblities on his own. God, putting these feelings into words truly makes me see how unsatisfying my marriage is. If there was an easy way out I would take it. But marriage isn't about taking the easy route. It's supposed to be hard, a life's journey with many bumps ands curves. However, I didn't sign on the dotted line for this.