I wanted to know why he was covering his head up with a pillow while I was trying to pleasure him. It offended me darnit. I want his eyes open and listening to me instead of possibly fantasizing about someone else. OK, rather than believing he's got the pillow to drown out sounds, you automatically jump to thinking he's fantasizing. See any problem with that? Try asking yourself in these situations, "What do I know to be true?" and all the negative voices in your head will usually become obviously negative self talk. Make sense? What was his answer?
Quote: ------------------------------------------------ I will check out Surviving an Affair. I feel like all I can do at this point is be the best wife I can to him and hopefully time will erase her. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm putting the emphasis on improving the relationship between H and I and how I feel about myself. ------------------------------------------------
I agree that you should be the best wife you can be.
Time won't erase anything as long as there is continued contact.
Quote: ------------------------------------------------- I don't think H understands the importance of cutting all ties to OW. I've tried explaining but just can't seem to get him to understand. I'd love for him to read some of these books with me because it might help him understand what he's feeling. -------------------------------------------------
At some point in time, his non-contact will have to become a boundary for you. No amount of being a perfect wife will stand up to three people in a marriage. It will eventually destroy the marriage, although I have known of people putting up with it for over 12 years. That would require you to be a doormat however. I don't know how you feel about yourself, but I don't even know you and I think that you deserve to be in a marriage where both spouses honor fidelity.
Please read that book in front of him.
Don't sell yourself short dear lady, you deserve a faithful husband.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
His answer was that he didn't like the noise and I know it to be true that he is very sensitive to noise. It's just hard to accept at face value.
Journaling:
Decent night last night. I had a lot of work to do and husband played video games. There was intimacy but no sex. Also, lots of snuggling which is what I really live for . Around 4 this morning, H got up to get after S4, who was making a lot of noise. Then when we headed downstairs a couple of hours later and half the christmas cookies I baked were gone! I have a feeling S4, had a midnight snack But all in all, a good start to the new day
Misty
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
H called a little while ago and wants to get new local numbers for our cell phones Which means a "certain" person from our past won't be able to call. I've been itching to mention doing this, but hadn't yet. I wonder exactly what brought this to his attention but I'm not going to mention it. I can only hope he's trying to cut off contact and realizes what it's doing to our relationship.
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
I don't think he has her correct number to call her. The number he has programmed into his phone, is one number off. After we get our new numbers I'll double check again. I really don't need a new number, but if he's getting one under the pretense of having local numbers, I may as well too. It doesn't matter either way to me.
But you are absolutely right, he may try to give her his new number but that doesn't put me any worse off than I am now. I am just trying to see the positive in it right now because I can't find any negatives.
mystia
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
And besides, why do YOU need a new number? What's wrong with Mystia getting a new number? As a work-at-home Mom, I'm offended by that question. Maybe think for a second and you might realize that Moms aren't constantly in the home. We run errands, and yes, we even give clients and contacts our phone number. Changing to local numbers will make their cell phone bill less pricey. That was so uncalled for and negative.
And... I can see that this could very possibly be H's way of cutting off OW.
I took the post to be a reasonable question...no assumption about SAHM's (why would you assume that?). There are many people out there (such as myself) who already have plans too that save money on cell-phone bills....yet they change their numbers at the drop of a hat, whether a SAHM or a person who works outside the home.
I don't understand your anger or offense with this post.
One person can often change their number and the other doesn't have to, without affecting the plan.
Perhaps her H is cutting OW off, I sure hope so...that'd be a nice thing All that was being pointed out is that, it may not necessarily be the case....to keep her grounded. Sometimes when we believe something because we so badly want to we become blind to reality....that's all.
Quote: As a work-at-home Mom, I'm offended by that question. Maybe think for a second and you might realize that Moms aren't constantly in the home. We run errands, and yes, we even give clients and contacts our phone number. Changing to local numbers will make their cell phone bill less pricey. That was so uncalled for and negative.
WHOA, girl!!! Hold the phone, so to speak... what hot button of yours did I push? You're insulted by what I wrote???? Dori, you read so much into that... I'm stunned speechless--- well, not quite:
When I said "why do YOU need a new number," I meant HE'S the one who is receiving unwanted phone calls from OW, so HE'S the one who needs to have his number changed, not you.
Unless I'm totally missing the point (and that's possible), the way I'm seeing mystia's sitch is as follows: her H is still in contact with OW on his cell phone. He won't admit this. Mystia knows he is, but her H doesn't know that she knows.
So her H comes waltzing in and says all innocently "Hey, honey, let's get new numbers on our cell phones..."
Mystia interprets this as his way of saying (in code) that he wants to stop being in touch with OW on his cell... but this is still not out in the open.
So my question is, if he wants to have a new number so OW can't call him, why does Mystia have to have a new number. Getting a new phone number is really inconvenient IMHO. Why hshould Mystia be inconvenienced by having to get a new number when HE'S the one with the problem?
My comment had nothing to do with equality, fair treatment of H and W, sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose, or saving money on their joint cell phone bill. For one thing I totally missed that Mystia is a SAHM, if she is, that fact is completely irrelevant to the cell phone thing. EVERYONE should have a cell phone.
My interpretation was that changing BOTH their numbers was a smoke screen that he was hiding behind. Now THAT'S a negative interpretation that I will own up to.
_________
Edited to add: Thanks, GEL. For a minute there, I thought I was losing my marbles.
. Around 4 this morning, H got up to get after S4, who was making a lot of noise. Then when we headed downstairs a couple of hours later and half the christmas cookies I baked were gone! I have a feeling S4, had a midnight snack 
But all in all, a good start to the new day
