I used to deny him sex as a form of punishment and keep him at arms length. My H used to be very affectionate and very sexual. What were you punishing him for? Other than your rejections, what has changed in your relationship within the past 2 years? People generally don't go from very affectionate and very sexual to the opposite or "mechanical" unless there's a deep unresolved issue.
1 year ago was the ILYBINILWY and he had an affair with an ex and moved out for a couple of weeks. You are to be commended for accepting and owning your part of the breakdown, but at the same time... in my eyes and from out here looking in, you and your H are even now. Having an affair with an ex and moving out while you have a newborn baby isn't the most noble of behaviours. For him to be holding onto his role of victim is hypocritical and aggressive IMHO.
So right now, my mountain to climb is to regain my husband's trust again What does your H have to trust you again for? You've been correcting your behaviours for the past year! He's holding your past rejections over your head as punishment. His initiating the other night and then fizzling out seems aggressive to me. He's giving you a taste of your old medicine.
I often feel like I'm responsible for all the planning and that makes me resentful. I understand this completely, having a 5 and 3 yr old. Can you think of ideas together? Try making a list together of things you'd both like to do. This helped us to get out more.
But sometimes I feel like I'm taking all the shortcomings for our sexual relationship because I know what needs to be done, I try, but I feel like he puts no effort into it. It sounds like he's putting no effort into it. He has to get off his pedestal and start meeting you half way. As far as I'm concerned, the slate was cleared after he returned from his affair. You've been diligently keeping yourself on track. For him to blame his affair (with an ex) solely on your rejections, is not fair. Many women have decreased libidos while child rearing. You've managed to climb out of that dumpster much quicker than some.
It's time for a truce don't you think? Why is he continuing to punish you despite your efforts to bring love back into your marriage? Why are you letting him?
