Why should I complain, indeed? My husband lives with me in a state of marriage with our children but something's missing. This is the first time I've posted in this section, first time I've posted on this site in a while.

Background:

Me: 26
Husband: 25
DS:4
DD: 1
married 3 years, together 5

We started having serious problems in our relationship about two years ago, or at least that's when he brought them to my attention via a bad attitude. This was also around the time his grandma died and I had a miscarriage. 1 year ago was the ILYBINILWY and he had an affair with an ex and moved out for a couple of weeks. I began reading divorce busting, his needs, her needs, etc. Took it to heart and he moved back in. We've certainly had our downs since then. Back then much of the problem was me and my inability to let him get close or to treat him like the man he is and the man I love. I used to deny him sex as a form of punishment and keep him at arms length. My H used to be very affectionate and very sexual.

The problem? He isn't anymore. When we have sex, it's very mechanical on his part. We had a talk about it and he says he doesn't know if he can ever be romantic again. I acknowledged how difficult it must be for him after how I treated him before how I am now in his shoes and I feel his pain. I think he's scared to try, scared to open up to me. He also admitted that I know him best and for me to treat him as I did was a huge blow. Now this admission of his feelings is not something he normally would share with me anymore.

This aspect of a healthy relationship that is missing is making me think about what's on the other side of this marriage because I'm afraid we'll never regain that spark we had. I'm also concerned that the physical aspect of it is making him look outside our marriage as well.

So right now, my mountain to climb is to regain my husband's trust again so that softer side can once again expose itself and I'm not sure how to do it. It's been a year since he moved back in and for the most part, things are well with us other than sex and the romance associated with it to make it love. I have the sex starved marriage on order as well has His Needs Her Needs for Parents.

Can anybody else relate or have any advice to get me started on the right track?

No solo de pan vive el hombre Y no de excusas vivo yo.