Hi super;

Quote:

Well I guess I knew that our talk today would not go well. Frankly I don't know what we actually accomplished.
when you do have discussions you need to have a goal set in mind

The gist was something like this:

H: It's over, move on with your life.
M: I know we will end up together give me another chance.

I know it probably is not a good idea to tell him that I know we will end up together but it's just how I feel. Actually it's what I know. I don't really know how to explain it, but deep in my heart I know that despite everything my H and I will be able to pull things together.
ok no more talk of what the end result will be
all that you accomplish is making him mad
plus it makes him decide to hold more to his mind set that it's over

The only thing positive from today was that he agreed he would go to one counseling session if I agreed to sign a separation agreement.
so basically he's only agreeing to go to counseling to shut you up
& to black mail you into signing a seperation agreement
not the best of conditions for you nor conducisve towards counseling

Any of you who have been to counseling, do you have any advice?
byron's only been to one counseling session
& that was due to me not telling me that he was going
& it was because i needed him & daughter to be in a safe place for her to be able to vent to him
what she was going thru even thou she's an "adult" she's very hurt by his doing this to our family -

during the session he didn't really partcipate but listened to what she had to say even thou the counselor did offer byron 3 times to be able to leave & wait for daughter & me outside
byron stayed in his seat & only nodded his head every once in awhile
the counselor ended the session with the fact that as he ended up doing in the session was ignoring byron
telling us & byron that since byron's being non-responsive that we need to learn to ignore him
that byron had to understand that if we ignored him when he was being unresponsive it was to save ourselves from his actions & or inactions
& that our ignoring him had nothing to do with how much we loved him

At this point my H said his major issue with me is trust.
I'm not quite familar with your sitch -
does he have a reason NOT to trust you?

He doesn't trust me not to go crazy;
ok this statement is very confusing - do you know why he said it? does it make sense to you?

he doesn't trust me to make good decisions;
do you have a history of making "Bad Decisions"?
were they honest mistakes which are part of life lessons?
how is his decision making skills compared to yours?

and he doesn't trust me as a life partner.
has he given examples of why his trust level is so low of you?
or is he just pulling stuff from the air in an attempt to justify himself?

dr don harvey gives alot of insight as to how the men when they leave as to how they're going to react afterwards
getting his bok asap i think will help in this greatly

since you've only got 1 session to get some work started for the 2 of you
i suggest that you go to the http://marriagebuilders.com website & print off 3 copies of all the tests which dr harley has on his website
1 copy for you 1 copy for him & 1 copy for the counselor

even if he doesn't want to work on them right now in the session at least you'll have some where to start
maybe you can give the counselor the set for him/her before you go to the session
explain to the counselor what you are hoping to acheive in your sessions
you will be seeing the counselor afterwards even if H won't attend any more sessions correct?

& ask H to fill in the questionaires before the session as well if he's willing
tell him that it'll help with this session & future ones for you to have the information

i do suggest that you pick up a copy of dr don harvey's book when the one you love wants to leave

as well as a copy of dr willard harley's book his needs her needs

you're going to find that dr harvey's book is very insightful as to how to handle the seperation
his idea is that 1st you have to handle the seperation so that later you can handle the marriage problems

dr harleys book is great as to how to figure out what needs of your husbands need to be met
& gives some ideas as to how you can make changes to start meeting those needs

It's started snowing here and it makes me miss him even more. We discussed maybe doing something tomorrow but we'll see if he actually follows through on his word.
NO PRESSURE - if he doesn't follow thru thats ok
very disappointing but ok & to be expected at this point
don't call him as hard as it may be not to
let him decide if he wants to do something with you
the key is to try to releive the pressure of having to be with you so that he has alone time to miss you & think over things

SuperStressed
((HUGS)) I fully understand your name & beleive me this roller coaster ride is going to get crazy so hang on & try to enjoy the ride o some crazy stuff is yet to be seen & if you don't get a sense of humor you'll be ready for the looney bin

if you use yahoo msgr feel free to IM me