Wow, there are similarities there for sure. I know in my case my W feels she knows a lot more about her brother's death than the rest of her family and holds it in. She feels the burden of bearing the torch for the entire family. The main difference is that my W's brother died over 10 years ago. The really telling thing is that my W has STILL not visited his grave. That has to mean something in the grand scheme of things. I also know she blames herself a lot for what happened to him and also keeps this from her family, keeps it inside. I guess for us, these issues can be used as an excuse for their behavior. Like you, I am starting to realize that no matter what my W has going on inside her, I don't deserve what I'm getting. Surely these A's are possibly a way for our spouses to escape their pain, with a person who was not a part of their life when they went through it, thus not a constant reminder. Wouldn't it be great if they could just grieve and then come to their senses. Oh, but the world is not that easy, is it.
