I've long felt that my H's drinking and his A were a way for him to avoid dealing with how he's felt about his dad dying. Any attempts to get him into counseling were rejected. And, to make matters worse, his mother, who is a psychologist, thinks he's coping just fine. She does not see the fake front he puts on as she is living on the other side of the pond. I see that when his dad died last summer he hit the bottle and had his first A. Then this summer when the anniversary of his dad's death came he hit the bottle again and began an EA which may or may not now be also a PA.
I just wish he could forgive himself for whatever it is that is holding him back from grieving. Recently I've also realized that I need to stop protecting him. What he's done to me has hurt like hell but I love him and I know he's hurting too and I've said some pretty awful sh!t to him that I really regret.
When I moved out I thought it would give him space to clear his head. Instead it gave him everything he wanted without giving him what he really needed: to hit bottom. So now I'm going to move back in and he can sleep on a friend's couch and realize what he's throwing away.
