Thanks guys for your support but things have gone from bad to worse. I'm afraid what I have done is too awful to recover from and, even on these boards, I'm ashamed of my behavior.
First bear with me because this is going to be long and complicated.
As I have had computer problems where I'm staying while apart from my H I have had to go to our apartment several mornings a week to work online, where I do Web reasearch. This morning I went over and as I was stupidly snooping, I discovered my recent suspicions about a new OW to be partly accurate.
I was looking at his text messages in his phone and came across a new one that was to the woman I suspected that read something like this: "I've been dreaming of kissing you. I can't wait to be with you and see you again."
Then I found another text to another female friend of his that read: "So the affair begins. I'll let her tell you about it."
I tried to remain calm, but this is not his return to the original OW he had an A with a year ago but a new OW. I was trying to work but my emotions got the better of me and I flipped. I mean FLIPPED!
I went into the bedroom where he was asleep and told him that I was sick of his [censored] and that I only moved out so that we could work on our M. I continued that if he was going to have another A then he had to get out of our apartment that morning. That it was no longer in his control.
I told him I wanted him to leave and to never see him again and if he ever wanted to see me again he better take a picture. He said he already had one at work. I found this odd as on Friday he'd removed the last photo of us from the apartment.
He of course denied everything so I brought out his phone and read the text to him. For a while it was just me yelling at him and telling him to get out of the apartment and that I never wanted to see him again.
Things were OK until he tried to get his phone back from me and we went at it. We both started pushing and shoving each other for control of the phone. I feel so ashamed of what I did. He went into the bedroom and closed the door and I tried to force my way in. We were making so much noise that apparently our neighbors called the cops. Just as we had both calmed down the police arrived.
After the police left my H was mad because the officer seemed to think he was beating me, which was certainly not the case. Definitely unnecessary roughness between us but certainly not to the point where police needed to be involved. I think part of the problem is that we were yelling so loudly and not only do we have thin walls but it was only 7 a.m. at the time.
After we both had a chance to calm down, I of course felt like sh!t for what I'd done. Last week we were still ML and he was telling that he loved me and this week he is talking about lawyers.
Eventually I finished working and we were able to discuss things. He was crying because he didn't know where he was going to move to and said he'd stay in a hotel if he had to because he didn't want to be anywhere I had access to. I told him he didn't need to leave and apologized for my behavior. In the end I did something I really didn't want to do, I gave him my only copy of our apartment key.
We were both sobbing and he said he's probably going to have to tell the OW to steer clear and that I've probably ruined any chance they had. He said that nothing had happened between them until Friday--the evening after I broke down and cried--he went out with a bunch of coworkers and the two of them were the last to stay. He said he decided to confess his feelings for her and she felt the same way. According to him they only kissed. For some reason I believe him.
I've been suspicious of this woman for months but she's only recently been in the US. Before she worked with my H but out of their foreign office so they communicated only via e-mail and phone and it was inappropriate but not crossing the line.
I guess this time I knew before he did. When he went to Ireland and England in September to see his friends and visit his family she met up with them. Before he left for the trip our M was hanging on by a thread. When he came back he had made his decision that our M was over. I blamed this decision in large part on his mother who hates me but I guess I also knew that OW#2 was part of the problem.
At this point I have no idea what to do. Please don't be too hard on me as I'm already feeling crappy enough and really just numb.
I'll keep you all updated but as I have no regular computer access now I'm having to rely on the computer at the library.
