So my fake happy face in front of my H has completely crumbled. I guess I knew it was only a matter of time before I completely cracked.
This morning while I was at our apartment I casually asked him if he was planning to go to an alumni event of his that was coming up and asked if I could come as I would like to do some job networking. He got mad and started yelling at me for getting into his private business. I yelled back that I was supposed to be his friend and he never would treat any of his other friends the way he's treated me. I ended up not just crying but sobbing and asked him why he hated me so much.
Then I asked why he's acting as if our breakup is a foregone conclusion as this was only supposed to be a temporary separation to give us time to clear our heads.
He started to feel bad and came over and hugged me until I got my tears under control. I told him I was sorry for getting emotional as I knew it was going to set him up for a terrible day at work. He said it wasn't my fault, which I'm not exactly sure what he meant.
He told me he'd call me from work and we could talk. I told him I didn't want to talk. I said I wanted to be married again. I said I hated living apart, I hated sleeping without him and I really missed him. When I pointed out that I've been good about giving him his space and not calling him, he said yes you have been good about it.
When he left he said he would come straight home so we could talk a little before my sister arrives (she's coming to visit me for the weekend.) My plan is to not get emotional and just listen to what he has to say even if I don't like it.
I really want to think he's starting to back down from thinking our M is done, but then I have to remind myself that I just don't know what he is thinking anymore. At this point I don't even know if he really plans to come and talk or he just said what he thought I wanted to hear.
