Well I went over to our apartment in the morning to get some work done on the computer while he was still asleep. Then we went around the corner for lunch. I was hoping to eat there, but he said, "we can't really talk there." So much for avoiding talking with him.
So we brought food back to our apartment and he mentioned that he was thinking of getting a separate bank account and I told him it was really too soon and he he said he would wait.
Our conversation started out OK with him asking me where I am staying. I'm staying with a friend of mine that he knows but I've been pretty vague about it--just told him the general area, which Metro stop I'm near. He asked for the address in case he needed to get ahold of me and I told him he could just call my cell phone.
Then I asked him if he was OK and he asked me if I was going to be OK and we both ended up crying. As if it wasn't emotional enough, he then said he's never really grieved his dad's death a year ago and hasn't really cried (not news to me as I've pointed this problem out.) We then spent the next hour or so crying and holding each other.
At some point I said to him, "well this is what you want." to which he said "well sometimes what you want doesn't make you happy." I replied "I don't want things that don't make me happy."
Eventually we pulled ourselves together and I dropped him off at his office (we only have one car) and then I drove down to the Potomac River and walked and cried some more. I think it is out of my system for the moment.
Today I am going to sign up to take a fiction class and then go out to dinner with my housemates.
On Wednesday, I'm going to have dinner with my H and we're going to go through our stuff and give things we don't need to Goodwill.
But, despite it being an emotional weekend, there is one bit of good news. My H said he is not going to drink at all this month and maybe won't next month either. He went out Friday and just drank water. I guess even with all the crappiness, there is still reason to be hopeful he can pull himself together.
