I'm so sorry. I know how you feel, and I still feel that same way sometimes. This is so difficult.
You will have problems trusting him again; that is to be expected. If he decides to return to work on your marriage and reconcile, he will have to earn back your trust. That's just how it is. You believed in him and had no reason to think he would do what he has done. It's so hard to grasp the lies, the cheating. I know, believe me. It's been 5 mo. for me and I still sometimes sit here stunned that my H. has behaved this way.
Allow yourself that cry. It will help get it out, and let you grieve. Everyone told me (and they were right) that you just have to go through this, no matter how painful some of the lower moments are. Time is the BIGGEST help, but you can't speed it up. Wish we could! Keep believing in yourself and do nice things to cheer yourself up.
How did lunch go?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
