* Both parties engage in certain behaviors. No one causes it. No one is to blame. You both do what you do.
* You have a choice about how you react to a given situation.
* The problems that come up is not your partner; the problem is the dance that you and your partner do together. You have a part in that dance.
* Be patient with yourself.
* Relax...give up the struggle...let your mate-and yourself- be exactly how you really are. Stop fighting against it.
* Stop fighting. Stop blaming. Graciously accept your situation even if you don't like it. Accept your feelings about it too.
* "I'm going to change so we (Everyone I have interaction with) can be happy"
* Anger is like nuclear power: It can be used to destroy or to enhance your quality of life.
* Promote harmony & decrease tention in any situation.
* It doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong, if you care of your partner's feeling's and needs, the assaults and complaints will stop.
* Letting a person vent without being defensive is a true act of love.
* Give up your ideas about who is to blame for any particular problem. Don't blame your spouse or yourself. Focus only on the dynamics between you, the "dance" you do together. Accept your partner and your partner's behavior. Above all, don't make yourself right and your partner wrong. No matter how awful you think your partner's behavior is, you are part of the dance.
* Focus on creating good feelings daily.
* "Act as if" you are a loving spouse open up several possibilities. Do this minimum five minutes each day.
* “I don't feel no ways tired. I've come too far from where I've started from. Nobody told me that the road would be easy. And I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me.” And remember: “Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win”! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
* Give your mate the very things you would most like to be receiving back.
* Action matter and all that counts. Create the atmosphere you want first. Only then will trust and respect have a chance to grow.
* Good will means making you love active, not passive. It means you taking the iniative to act on your loving feelings.
** When you pay attention to what makes you happy, you will enjoyyourself more and feel better. When you enjoy yourself more, you will be more attractive and more fun to be with. When you are more fun to be with, your spouse will find you appealing and will start to feel good also. When your spouse starts to feel good also, you'll feel better.
* Change "Incompatible" to "Complementry"
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
