Bowtech/ Kismet - Thank you very much for dropping by again with your support and kind words.
Bowtech - The notes from your book does make a lot of sense. I think sometimes we are soooo caught up with our emotions that we don't consciously think with our heads. Yes, it is a dance that is being danced by the two of us, or should I say, three of us? Yes, I think I will be patient with myself and to not pressure myself to DO stuff. I realise that whenever we have a big fight, it was started because I was the one PUSHING TO DO a certain thing, and it stresses me out sooo much that I bring it up with H and that sets it all off. I am just gonna "hang loose" for a bit and not pressure myself. I think I am pressuring myself because I am thinking internally that I MUST adhere to the Sunday 29th deadline, and I MUST TAKE ACTION NOW!!! Which I think I am emotionally not ready...and guessed that's what caused my recent haywire behaviour.
Mr Yoyo does sound a bit more rational I guess in that he knows you mean business and won't be yanked around by him anymore. Kismet - Yes, he does sound a bit rational with not letting the kids know until things are final. One of the texts that he sent, he said "You may not believe this...but the boys are the 2 most important persons in my life. U do whatever u have to do. As long as the papers r not signed n final...I don't want them to lose hope. I love the boys so much and I'll be back."
Try and think calming thoughts. You know what...I've read that LAUGHING is actually good....even if it is fake. I tried that...and somehow the fake HA HA HA actually would turn to a REAL Ha ha ha...think it's because it's so absurd that you just automatically gets tickled by it.
Sorry Yoyo I cannot think of anything constructive at all to say, but just know I am thinking of you Kismet - No need to apologise. Just knowing that you are thinking of me is really GOOD enough.
Journalling... As I said from my last post. I was gonna be blase about my sitch to destress abit. So, have been a little more productive at work.
In the evening (Wed), got a text to ask if the $$ he sent has been credited to my account. I check and then texted him "Yes. Thanks". He didn't reply so wasn't sure if he got the text. SO I re-texted. This time he did reply.
At 8 pm, he called my mobile. Small talk. H: Hi! Are you okay? Me: Yes. Going to have dinner now. H: How come so late? Me: Oh..rain blah blah traffic, so came home blah blah. H: You are over at your mom's? Me: No. Here in my house. H: WHich? Our house? Your mom is there? Me: Yes. Err...boys are upstairs. Can you call later to talk to them. Kinda lazy to go get them now. H: Ok. I'll call later.
So, had dinner..chatted with my mom blah blah blah.
8.30 pm. H called the house phone. Knew it was him. SO got S5 to answer the phone. Then S8 spoke to him. THen he asked me to talk to his father. Took the phone... H: HI! How are you? Me: Okay. H: Is your mom still there? Me: Yeah. H: She sleeping over? Me: No. Just helping S8 on something. H: Can you go upstairs and talk to me? Me: Err..are you going to tell me something that I need to be mentally prepared? H: Just go upstairs.
So..off I went. First thing when I picked up the phone was to crack a joke "you are not expecting phone s@x now are you? LOL" He said "No LOL" Loads of stuff that he said...(not really in order) H: I promised you that I would sort out things by the 1st week of February. Just close one eye or both eyes for these two weeks. I mean less than 2 weeks. Me: you gonna take her on a cruise?? (Went on to tell him about Dr. Harley that the right way was to write a letter and the WAS way was to take the op to a round-the-world cruise to gently break off. Can't remember what else) H: No! Me: You taking her to PLResort? H: NO! Maybe I'll take you there? Me: Yeah Right. H: Do you still love me? It's important for me to know.I still care and love you H: Before I say anything...don't say "whatever. I'll listen first blah blah blah". Okay what if I sort everything out. Will you move to Country X? Okay Okay..let's see the two sides. The negatives..If I choose to go to ow, what would happen? Will you still stay here? Me: Well (I was very calm) if you continue to pay me $$ yes. Otherwise, guessed we will have to sell the place and move back to my mom's. H: Of course I will continue with the $. Me: Okay then. I will continue to stay here. Things will remain the same. Boys will still have their friends, go to their badminton classes etc. We will be fine. H: Will I get to see the boys? Me: I will do the right thing. I will let the boys to see you. You can pick them up. But you have to do the right thing by NOT forcing ow down their throats because they are not ready. H: I won't. What about holidays? Can I take them ? Me: I guessed... But you have to be responsible. H: I am responsible. Me: Guessed would be on a case by case basis. That is as long the boys want to. BUt if they don't want to go with you... H: Yeah. I know. OKay, Now that was the worst case. Now the best case. I sort out everything with ow within 2 weeks. Will you move to Country X? Is the house okay? Will it be too interuptive to the boys' schooling? Me: I don't know.... House is fine but kitchen is kinda small. Can't really do much cooking. H: What do you mean can't do much cooking? Me: I don't know..haven't really thought much about this. This bit is kinda scary... H: Never thought about it going this way? And why scary? Me: Well, first there is the trust issues. H: That aside. My question is WIll you move to Country X? WHat if Australia? WIll you move to Sydney with me? Me: Aiya... When you've sorted out then ask me. Now I just listen first. H: See ...see... I knew you were gonna say "listen first". Me: Yeah...you cannot blame me right? blah blah blah.. Anyway, ended the call with normal goodbyes and him saying "I'll call you tmrw or day after".
That was generally our convo yesterday .... So, we'll see what happens. As you never know what Mr.YOYO is up to at different times. Just gonna "hang loose" and not worry until I see the papers... Not gonna stress myself up.
